


Who You Could Be

by idontwanttheworld-iwantmalec (GoodFinderBadger)



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 03:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9639422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodFinderBadger/pseuds/idontwanttheworld-iwantmalec
Summary: The story of Magnus Bane and Alec LIghtwood started as all the best ones did, at the lowest point in both of their lives.  One was on the cusp of adulthood, and the other was just trying to hold on to life with the strength he had left.  Both of them were thinking it was over, that this was the best life had to give them.  Neither of them could have thought that a rainy Friday could have brought them the brightest part of their lives thus far.  It was a chance of fate, of luck, and of very good timing.   Prequel to Who You're Meant to Be.  Not necessary to read that first, but you might find more entertainment in this if you do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I love my fic Who You're Meant to Be, and I'm not ashamed of it. It is my baby and my life so I decided to dive back into this universe and tell all that I couldn't in that fic. This starts from the very beginning, from when Alec and Magnus found one another. It's going to cover from now until WYMTB starts. If you're starting this for the first time Magnus will be Alec's guardian in this fic, and there will be no actual Malec romance in this, that comes in WYMTB. I hope the loyal readers of that story will enjoy this one as much as I love writing it. I'm also planning on writing a sequel as well in the future, the very far future admittedly since this will be quite long. Happy Reading everyone, hope you enjoy!!!!!!

The story of Magnus Bane and Alec LIghtwood started as all the best ones did, at the lowest point in both of their lives. One was on the cusp of adulthood, and the other was just trying to hold on to life with the strength he had left. Both of them were thinking it was over, that this was the best life had to give them. Neither of them could have thought that a rainy Friday could have brought them the brightest part of their lives thus far. It was a chance of fate, of luck, and of very good timing. 

“You’re going,” Ragnor Fell had his arms crossed as he stood in what could be loosely called the foyer of Magnus Bane’s apartment. The other man had given up on finding motivation to leave the house and was therefore dressed in sweats and some old tee he’d dug around for in the back of his closet. 

“Ragnor, come the fuck on,” Magnus was hungover and really not in the mood for any of this. “I know Cat is worried, and that you guys think I need a hobby, or whatever. I am perfectly fine.”

“You aren’t fine,” Ragnor insisted with a roll of his eyes. “It’s like we told you yesterday, it’s this or rehab. You haven’t been fine in months since your dad-”

“Yes my dad went to prison, I know,” Magnus snapped harshly. “You guys act like I’m all torn up about him. Fuck Ragnor, he was a terrible human being and I’m glad to be rid of him. He hated me and he tried to kill me.” Magnus sighed heavily and knew with the unchanging look on his best friend’s face that he wasn’t about to get out of this. “Fine, let me get dressed and you can drag me to play with kids.”

“I’ll be waiting,” Ragnor said in a sing song voice as he got settled on the couch. Magnus grumbled to himself all the way upstairs. His friends had signed him up to mentor some kid at the local school. It was ridiculous, he could hardly be a mentor to anyone. He was a mess, and though he tried to deny it he knew it was true. He’d been on drugs most of the last year to numb what was going on with his dad. Now his dad was gone, and while that was complicated it was definitely for the best. His friends were forcing him to quit the drugs, and get his drinking under control. High school was over, and now the real work began. Magnus had taken cosmetology courses this year with his best friends at his side and they had recently completed their training for that as well. It was time to find jobs and get on with their lives. Only thing was, Magnus couldn’t find much motivation to move onto anything. 

He threw on some jeans and a zip up and called it good enough. This was most definitely the most casual he’d ever dressed to go anywhere in a long, long time. He was tempted to find some baseball cap just to complete the look, but he didn’t even own one of those. He wondered if this was actually going to help, mentoring some kid. He really had no idea what he was doing. Kids were not his thing, and he’d never been around them very much. All of his friends were like him, the only kid in their families. None of them had younger siblings to play with or be around. He knew he needed something to take his mind off the trial and his dad. It had been a long few months to get through. He had no more marijuana in his possession and he’d promised Cat he’d stop. He really did try to honor his promises to her at least. 

“Do you think kids relate to being homeless?” Ragnor asked as his mouth turned up in the corners into an amused smirk. “Or is this you trying to set a new trend?”

“I am hungover without coffee,” Magnus replied simply. “This is the results. Kids don’t appreciate fashion anyways. I think I look approachable.”

“To the homeless,” Ragnor agreed, laughing as he dodged Magnus hitting him. The duo hit the sidewalk to walk the eight blocks to the school. September had a chill to it this year earlier than it usually did, and it made Magnus most unhappy. He loathed sweaters and coats of any kind, though scarves and hats he could do for a bit. He hated leaving the warm weather behind to face the long, cold fall and winter. Holidays didn’t even hold all that much appeal to him the last few years. He had to tag along as a guest and be starkly reminded that he didn’t have a family of his own. 

“Are you okay?” Ragnor asked finally, most unusual for him. Magnus figured he’d worried Ragnor to death lately with his antics of getting high more and more often coupled with pushing them away while he suffered through the trial and recovering from his father’s murder attempt. 

“I’m okay,” Magnus confirmed. It was the truth as well. He was okay, but not better than that. Now that his father was behind bars and out of his life things were easier. Magnus didn’t have to deal with the pressing hatred at his back all the time. He didn’t have to deal with glaring and insults and the cold shoulder. He could now pretend his father didn’t exist, and that suited him fine. He tended not to think about what it meant having your own father try to kill you. The bruises aorund his throat were mostly gone now and his lungs could finally again breathe to full capacity. 

“Don’t worry us like that,” Ragnor scolded lightly. “You could have told us how bad things had gotten with your dad. You could have crashed with me, or even Cat probably.”

“It’s over,” Magnus said as he folded his arms around himself. “I’m ready to move on. We’re on our own now, and we have this whole life we can create. I applied to a few salons yesterday.”

“You should come work with me and Catarina,” Ragnor said as he stepped closer to Magnus to avoid a bunch of teenagers skipping their first class. “We could put in a good word for you. Cat has our new boss around her finger already. I think he has the hots for her….but there you go.”

“I don’t know. Manhattan would make me some money,” Magnus mused quietly. “I need to catch up on money Rag, I’m broke as hell. I used the money from the case to afford the apartment and some furniture. I have no clue how I’m going to pay rent next month.”

“You could get a roommate,” Ragnor suggested with a shrug. “I know it’s not really your thing, even with me, but it’s an option.”

“Except it isn’t,” Magnus argued. “I don’t need some stranger in my life right now. I just need some space to breathe for a bit.” They had come to the entrance to the elementary school, the tall brick building not looking the most welcoming. “Well, I’ll text you tonight. Let you know if I traumatize some kid or not.”

“You’ll do great, or something,” Ragnor grinned at him before Magnus turned to go in alone.

The signs were easy enough to follow as he wound through the halls decorated with drawings of the younger grades pinned on the walls. It reminded him of his blissful days of being so small the real world couldn’t touch you with its darkness yet. The days when you were friends with everyone and socializing was as easy as breathing. The memories were vague to him now, but he could say he didn’t have a bad memory in this school. 

They were holding this first meeting in the large gymnasium so they could meet the kid they would get to tutor until May. Magnus was sort of unclear just what he was meant to do for this program. Some of it was tutoring, but it was meant to be more than that. These were kids that didn’t have the best home lives, and so they needed someone to show that they gave a shit. Magnus wasn’t sure he was qualified to mentor, but he would give it a shot. 

“Magnus Bane,” He gave his name to the lady sitting at the front table who gave him a warm smile and nodded before consulting her list. She seemed to pause, if only for a moment, before she took another look at him and pointed to a far corner. 

“Okay Magnus, you’re paired up with Alexander.” She bit her lip for a moment before continuing. “Alec has a hard time opening up to people, give it a bit. He’s a sweet boy.”

“Okay, thanks,” Magnus muttered, wondering just what on earth he was getting into now. What kind of kid needed a warning to go with him? 

Years later Magnus would wonder why he didn’t have a stronger reaction to seeing the person who would change his life forever. 

The boy indicated to him had messy black hair that desperately needed cutting as it fell in his eyes. He was hunched over coloring by himself, evidently trying to block out the rest of the room. He was humming tunelessly under his breath and sitting on the very edge of the bench. Magnus stood by him for several moments, trying to talk himself out of being nervous around a stupid kid. Kids were the best people. They never judged you the way the rest of the world did. He tugged at his jacket and suddenly wished he would have bothered to put on his usual armour he wore when he left his house. 

“Hi Alec,” Magnus finally brought himself to say. Alec’s hand stopped moving across the paper, but he didn’t look up at Magnus or give any reaction to his presence. “My name is Magnus and we’re going to be spending time together this year.”   
Alec was simply silent.

Magnus sighed and looked around to see the rest of the kids eagerly talking and engaging with their mentors and peers. He ran a hand through his hair in agitation. He really was too tired and way too hungover for this. He sat down across from Alec and tried to think of something that Alec would want to talk about.

“So, what are you coloring there?” He sounded stupid, even to his own ears, but it made Alec pause and that was something. 

Alec mumbled something before he got right back to work on his picture. He was rather adorable if Magnus was honest with himself. 

“What was that?” Magnus asked as nicely as he could. He was a bit annoyed, but couldn’t let it show to some kid who obviously didn’t mean to be annoying. 

“I”m drawing, not coloring,” Alec said only a tad louder than the first time. Magnus could still hardly hear him over the noise of the rest of the crowd. He still hadn’t actually looked directly at Magnus, his head bowed and concentrated. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Magnus conceded with a tiny grin. This Alec was a mystery, and somehow Magnus liked him already. He leaned forward to see if he could make out what it was Alec was so concentrated on. It was a cake, just a single layer cake with a candle on top of it. It had quite a bit of detail put into it for a nine-year old. Why on earth would he be drawing a cake of all things? “How come you’re drawing a cake?”

Alec shrugged one shoulder, but his pencil slowed across the paper all the same. Magnus felt back making him stop what was obviously making him happy. He was so out of his element here. What if Alec didn’t need tutoring? He was probably the quiet, genius type. What did Magnus have to teach a kid that would be of any use? 

“What’s your favorite kind of cake?” Magnus had no idea why he was still on the cake thread, but it was something to ask and would hopefully spur some kind of conversation. 

“Birthday cake,” Alec mumbled, and Magnus could hear the sadness in those two words. He frowned to himself and really wanted to point out that birthday was hardly a cake flavor. 

“When’s your birthday?” That seemed like a safe enough topic to go on. Kids always loved their birthdays. Even Magnus liked his birthday, and he didn’t admit to liking too many things. Alec, however, went silent again at the question as he got out colored pencils to finish what he’d drawn. Magnus had fucked up somewhere, but the where was the mystery. Magnus wondered if maybe he started talking that Alec would respond eventually? “My birthday is in November, which sort of sucks because it’s cold, but it’s nice to fill in the time between Halloween and Christmas. Though I’m not a huge holiday fan anyways.” Magnus sighed quietly and really wasn’t so good at rambling about nothing. 

“I don’t like holidays either,” Alec said quietly, his small voice barely reaching Magnus across the table. Normally Magnus was exponentially glad when someone shared his view on the over-rated commercial holidays, but hearing Alec say it made his heart break a little. Alec was only a kid, a small kid, and he should still love the magic and fun of holidays. “Holidays mean I have to move again.”

“Your family moves a lot then?” Magnus was happy that at least Alec was saying more than one word at a time. Alec still hadn’t looked at him, but maybe that was coming. His head ducked down further and the blue pencil paused it’s rhythmic sweeping over the paper. 

“No, just me,” His voice sounded different now, and Magnus had the sinking feeling Alec was holding back tears. Fantastic, he’d been with this kid five minutes and he’d made him cry. Catarina had really judged wrong on this one. 

“That’s a good drawing,” Magnus decided to bring things back to the drawing Alec was working so diligently on. “Is that the birthday cake you want this year?”

Alec silently nodded and switched to a green pencil now for the frosting on the top. Magnus was trying to figure him out and find out what he meant by only he moved. Did this school change classrooms every semester or something? How could a child this small move by himself? It made no sense. Or maybe it was some kind of stupid riddle thing? 

Magnus watched Alec finish his picture and as soon as he settled into his boredom the picture clicked into place. Alec was in foster care, it was the only way his statement made any kind of sense. Magnus had seen movies and shows about kids in foster care, but this was real and in front of him. He looked again to see that Alec had drawn a birthday cake of course, and Magnus figured out one other thing in the process. 

“It’s your birthday today, isn’t it Alec?” Magnus asked, sure of the answer. He couldn’t say how he knew it was today for sure. It was maybe Alec’s shoulders that seemed to be slumped and the way he couldn’t say what day his birthday fell on. 

Alec finally looked up at him and the moment Magnus saw his huge blue eyes he was hooked completely. Alec’s eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue and right now Magnus could see the sadness they held. He swallowed a few times before saying in a voice so quiet that Magnus read his lips more than heard the words. “Yeah.”

“Happy Birthday then Alec,” Magnus said softly with a gentle smile. “How old are you now?”

“Nine,” Alec answered, his pencils finally forgotten and he seemed afraid to look directly at Magnus for more than a moment. 

“Nine, huh,” Magnus said softly. He blew out a breath and looked around this drabby school gym that was no place for any kind of celebration. This kid hated his birthdays, and probably because he’d never gotten to celebrate one properly. He’d been shoved from home to home for nine years and he’d never known anything more. That could have been Magnus if his father and mother had left him any sooner. He was lucky enough to be eighteen when his father had been sent to prison and he could get his own place. “Do you like ice cream Alec?”

“I’ve never had it,” Alec said quietly. “Most of my families are too poor for that stuff.”

“Well, today is the day you are going to have some,” Magnus said confidently. He gestured for Alec to stay put while he went to find the lady that had directed him to Alexander in the first place. 

“Hi,” Magnus said to get her attention. She turned with a smile already plastered, but seeing him her smile fell a little and her eyes flicked to Alec.

“Don’t leave yet,” She pleaded. “I know Alec is a difficult child to get talking, but he’s such a nice kid when he does. Give him some time and-”

“I wasn’t leaving,” Magnus said with a bit of a smile. It was apparent Alec had been given up on many, many times in the past. “I wanted to know if I could take Alec for ice cream?”

“Absolutely,” She brightened immediately. “This is a community sponsored program. The school was just a place to meet. Feel free to take Alec.” 

“Perfect,” Magnus waved with a grin and headed back to Alec, who was staring at his picture of a cake quietly. The longing in every ounce of him could be felt and Magnus was so glad he’d come today. He was determined here and now to never give up on Alec. Everyone needed someone in their corner, and Magnus was going to be one of those people for Alec. 

He walked up next to Alec, but hesitated to touch him. Alec did not seem like someone who trusted easily, or at all. He needed to earn that kind of trust with Alec instead of assuming he had it. 

“So, we are free to get the hell out of here,” Magnus said with a grin as Alec’s head turned to look up at him. “You want to come taste your first bit of ice cream?”

Alec nodded as he stuffed his pencils in his bag that was a dark, coffee brown that was faded and torn on one side. He got up and his head came to Magnus’s stomach. He was so small, even for the age of nine, and Magnus just felt a pull towards this kid that he’d never felt before. He led the way out to his car and saw a flash of nerves hit Alec as he stayed by the trunk of the car, clutching onto his bag for dear life. 

“Are you okay?” Magnus asked him, pausing by his car door. 

“I don’t know if I should trust you,” Alec blurted out before ducking his head and red coloring his pale cheeks. 

Magnus sighed and went to kneel down in front of Alec, instead of towering over him. This act right here probably went against every bit of stranger danger he’d ever been taught. Alec hadn’t had a lot of people prove to him that he was worth sticking around for. His own parents hadn’t even proved that much to him. He wanted Alec to trust, smartly of course, but trust someone in his life nonetheless. Magnus had many doubts about what he could actually teach anyone about life when he’d royally messed a few things up already. 

“I can’t make you trust me,” Magnus told him honestly, his voice soft and sincere. “I can’t tell you that every adult you meet is worthy of your trust. I can tell you that with people it’s best to go with your gut. Your first instinct is most often right. What does your gut tell you about me?”

Alec was quiet for a long moment as he studied the pavement at his feet. Magnus wondered if kids even knew what going with your gut meant. Alec seemed smart though and he seemed contemplative rather than confused. “I want to trust you,” Alec finally spoke up. “You notice things nobody else does. You see me.”

“I do see you,” Magnus agreed quietly as he lifted a hand to rest it gently on Alec’s cheek for a moment before dropping his hand. “Why don’t we walk huh? There’s a place not far from here as a matter of fact.”

Alec seemed much more relaxed at that idea and he happily walked at Magnus’s side as they left the school behind them and headed four blocks over. Alec still hardly said a thing, but Magnus decided to take up a stream about his own life. He told Alec about cutting hair and about his friends. He kept it light, but talked enough so it wasn’t awkward. Alec soaked it in and even smiled a few times as Magnus talked. 

“Alright,” Magnus said as they entered the shop and walked up to the counter. “This place has two dozen flavors of ice cream. Not the best spread in New York, but a good place to start. One day, when you’re an ice cream expert, I’ll take you to Brooklyn where they have a shop with twice as many flavors.”

“That’s too many choices,” Alec said softly with a shake of his head. He stood on his tiptoes to see the flavors, too short to read the small labels. Magnus didn’t really think about it before he scooped Alec up in his arms so he could see the display better. Alec made a squeak of surprise and his wide eyes looked at Magnus again in shock. Magnus was about to put him down when Alec seemed to relax and settled back against his shoulder. He was heavy Magnus would admit, but the weight was warm and oddly comforting. 

“Alright,” Magnus said, trying not to get caught up in his thoughts about all of this. “So, we have two main categories, fruity and chocolate. What do you like more?”

“Chocolate,” Alec said into Magnus’s ear. He always spoke so quietly, and it wais on one hand adorable but on another worrisome. It was as if he was afraid to be heard by the wrong person, or that he wasn’t worth being heard. 

“Okay, so we need this side then.” Magnus walked over to the right side of the display. “Anything look good?”

“They all do,” Alec’s blue eyes were wide as he stared at all the choices of sweets. Magnus laughed softly. “Can you just pick for me?”

“But picking the flavor is half the fun” Magnus protested. He glanced behind them to see that people had entered behind them and that was what had likely prompted Alec to hide and shut down again. This kid very obviously didn’t like people. Magnus gestured for them to go ahead of them so Alec could take his time choosing. As soon as they left to sit at a table Alec perked up again to look closely at the flavors. 

“I want that one,” Alec pointed out the double fudge brownie. Magnus nodded in appreciation of his choice. He ordered them both a scoop and sat Alec at one of the tall stools the boy kept staring at. Alec looked like he was having the time of his life at the tall tables with delicious ice cream in front of him. Magnus couldn’t remember the last time something so simple had made him happy. These days happiness was like something constantly slipping through his fingers and he needed something bigger and better to feel that bubble of happiness. 

They ate in enjoyable silence, Alec seeming to savor every last bite of the dessert in front of him. Magnus looked fondly at him for a long moment before Alec caught him looking and suddenly erupted in giggles. Magnus was taken aback and was about to ask what Alec found so funny when suddenly he felt the ice cream dab on his nose. He grinned in return as Alec couldn’t hold back his giggles of happiness. It was so good to see Alec laugh after how serious he’d been al day long. 

Magnus was taken with Alec already, completely and utterly smitten.

MBALMBALMBAL

Well, the mentoring program had certainly taken over his life. 

Magnus found himself at the school every afternoon after work. He’d shortly gotten the job in Manhattan at the busiest salon he’d ever seen. It was a crazy place and the competition was nearly killing him. He’d done well in his classes, and he truly believed that he could handle anything. This salon was proving to question his talents. Ragnor and Catarina were working somewhere much smaller in Brooklyn, but Magnus had taken his job for the money. He was beaten mentally each and every day, but seeing Alec always made him slow down and care for something other than the way his brain felt like it had been wrung dry. Alec was sweet and every time Magnus made him laugh felt like an accomplishment. He was behind in nearly every subject, probably as a result of moving around so much. Magnus was helping him through the homework and spoiling him rotten with ice cream as much as he could afford. It became more and more clear that whoever Alec was living with only gave him the minimum they could. All of his things looked like they could be better off in the garbage and Alec’s hair was matted and dirty most of the time. He didn’t relate to the other kids well from what Magnus had seen. He was always alone every time Magnus came to see him. His bright blue eyes would light up when they saw him, and after a few weeks he was much less quiet.

Magnus was kind of starting to get where parents were always coming from.

It was after two months of his work and mentoring routine that he came home to see both Ragnor and Catarina on his front steps. He texted the two of them on a regular basis, but he hadn’t seen them in person in quite some time. He wore a sheepish expression as he climbed out of his car and faced them. 

“Hi guys,” Magnus said meekly. “I’m sorry?”

“You go on a drug rampage for six months and we get you back only to lose you again,” Ragnor said grumpily as he gave Magnus a one armed hug. Catarina rolled her eyes. 

“Ragnor, you seriously need to work on your delivery,” She also gave Magnus a hug, but kept her hands on his upper arms to look him over. “You look exhausted.”

“Work is hard,” Magnus said simply with a shrug. 

“Well, it’s Saturday so you don’t have to mentor?” Catarina confirmed. 

“He doesn’t have to more than once a week,” Ragnor put in with a tiny smirk.

“I like spending time with Alec,” Magnus defended himself. HIs friends were the best people he knew, but they were by no means humble, or knew how to stay out of his business.

“He is pretty adorable,” Catarina said with a smile. “How about we hit dinner and then walk around the mall like teenagers?”

“Sounds good enough for me,” Magnus agreed. “Come on in while I get changed and stuff.” 

He led the way to let the three of them into his apartment. It was snugly between two larger buildings with cement front steps that were cracked and had weeds poking through. It needed a new paint job and probably a whole bunch of other things, but it had a nice little driveway and nobody else wanted to live here so Magnus had the duplex to himself. The upstairs apartment was a piece of shit anyways, and the landlord didn’t really seem like he wanted to fix it up. One day Magnus hoped to buy this place from him when he had the money, and before he kicked Magnus out to sell it. 

He went for the casual yet chic look with a fitted tee and a tight pair of jeans before heading back down to be with his friends. Ragnor was on his couch, scrolling through some form of social media or another. Catarina, however, was peering through his mail that he kept piled on a small table in the hall that came with the place. 

“So, were you going to share that you were behind on rent?” She asked as she waved a notice in her hand. Magnus rolled his eyes and snatched it from her.

“When are you going to stop snooping through my shit?” Magnus snapped. Ragnor sighed as he followed the both of them into the kitchen. Magnus was trying not to get angry. He knew Catarina loved him more than anyone in the world, but it was irritating the way she was always in his business. This was hardly the first time he’d snapped at her over it. 

“I guess when I stop caring about you,” Catarina retorted. “Magnus, how far behind are you on rent? I don’t want you ending up on the street.”

“I paid him today,” Magnus said with a sigh. “I just got a little behind. I’m fine.” It was mostly the truth. He was mostly perfectly fine on money, but he was admittedly nervous about this Manhattan job working out. If it did he’d have plenty, but he wasn’t exactly a shining star. He may have paid rent, but his cupboards are admittedly pretty empty. 

“Don’t get into it you two,” Ragnor said with a sigh. “Let’s just spend some time together, okay?” 

“I’m ready to go,” Magnus said, taking a deep breath to calm down and letting it go. He linked arms with Cat. He loved her like a sister, but she irritated him like one too. They piled into Ragnor’s car and drove over to the mall they’d been to for years. It wasn’t anything new or elaborate, but it was their stomping grounds. They knew this place inside and out. They had often met here when Cat still had her step-dad around. He had treated her horribly most of her life, until her mom finally got up the courage to throw him out when they had been sixteen. Cat’s problems had seemingly ended just as Magnus’s had begun. 

It was crowded, as it was every single Saturday since the beginning of their lives. People were always around shopping and talking and doing whatever they liked. Magnus made a bee line for the food court, despite the fact that they had just finished dinner. 

“Are you always going to have an Orange Julius? How are you not sick of them after five years?” Catarina asked as she trailed behind Magnus to wait in line at the Dairy Queen. 

“You can only get it here,” Magnus protested. “Not to mention they are the most delicious thing ever. How could you not like them?”

“That kid is staring at us,” Ragnor said slowly and softly to them so as not to draw attention. 

“Ragnor, your hair is currently green, of course kids are going to stare at you,” Magnus pointed out with just enough sarcasm laid on to be effective. 

“Insult my hair again,” Ragnor threatened as he shoved Magnus only hard enough to make him stumble. Magnus laughed and pushed him back which caused Catarina to roll her eyes and look the way Ragnor had indicated. 

“No, he really is staring pretty intently,” Catarina agreed, causing Magnus to turn and look as well. It took him a minute to find the kid she was talking about in the crowd of families in the food court. It took him a minute but soon enough his eyes focused on the head poking out around a pillar and definitely staring at the three of them. He knew that mop of messy black hair by now and even though he’d seen Alec the last five days in a row, he was still more than happy to see him again. HIs blue eyes caught onto Magnus’s and he blushed and looked away, typical Alec behavior that never failed to make Magnus smile. 

“Well, that is Alexander,” Magnus said happily. He indicated for his friends to hold his spot in the much too long Dairy Queen line before making his way over to Alec, knowing that the three of them bombarding the boy would make Alec run away. He seemed more skittish than normal, his eyes darting around and wringing his small hands. Magnus frowned to see his hair not washed once again, the strands heavy with dirt and grease. It was probably only because he was a stylist that he noticed, but it was a sign that whoever it was that was in charge of this boy’s care didn’t do a great job. 

“Hello there,” Magnus said with a smile as he squatted down to Alec’s level. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec blurted immediately. “I don’t know where they are and they left me here with a happy meal. I heard you laughing, but then I wasn’t really sure it was you. Then it was and I didn’t want to go back to being alone. I didn’t mean to bother you, really. I’ll go back to my table and-”

“Darling, it’s alright,” Magnus assured him immediately. Inside he was seething at the injustice of a kid being left alone in a crowded mall for who knew how long. “I don’t mind that you found me. Do you want to come have an Orange Julius with me? I get one every single time I come here. They’re one of the best drinks in existence.”

“Okay,” Alec agreed easily, reaching for Magnus’s hand as had already become practice for them.

“Have you done any of your math homework?” Magnus felt like he had to ask. “Or better yet, that reading assignment?” Those were Alec’s weakest subjects. He was good with facts, like in History and Science. Numbers tripped him up, and so did reading and writing for some reason. 

“I did some reading,” Alec said softly with his head down. 

“Good,” Magnus praised easily. He reached his friends, who by now had reached the front of the line and were undoubtedly talking about him and his new obsession with Alec. Alec immediately stopped a few feet away, wary and on guard. He really did awful around strangers. Magnus knelt behind him with hands on his shoulders. 

“You’re alright Alec,” Magnus told him gently. “These are my two best friends, Ragnor and Catarina. They both cut hair like I do, and they’re the best people I’ve ever met. Plus, Ragnor has green hair. Does a bad guy ever have green hair?”

“The Joker does,” Alec mumbled as he did his best to make his shoulders relax. Magnus let a loud laugh escape which made Alec giggle in return. 

“Please call Ragnor The Joker, I beg of you,” Magnus told him with a grin. Alec shook his head, still giggling softly. 

“You say the weirdest stuff Magnus,” He said. Magnus grinned proudly, knowing that somehow he’d gained this guarded boy’s affection. 

“You wanna meet them?” Magnus asked, never forcing Alec to talk to anyone he didn’t want to. 

“Okay,” Alec agreed as he laced his smaller fingers in Magnus’s. Magnus squeezed his hand gently before leading him over. 

“Cat, Ragnor, you guys get to meet Alec. He’s already heard the worst about you so don’t bother trying to make a good impression.” His friends both rolled their eyes and Alec giggled again. Ragnor’s face even softened at the innocent sound. 

“Hi Alec, it’s wonderful to meet you,” Catarina said sincerely. 

“Hi,” Alec said softly with a tiny wave. Well, Cat was won over already. He was happy to see his friends getting along with Alec, and he wasn’t sure why this was so important to him. He turned to order a drink for himself and for Alexander, trusting his friends not to ruin things for a moment. Laughter reached him, honest real laughter, and he looked over to see Ragnor making the boy actually laugh instead of the quiet giggles he normally let out. It was rather obvious Ragnor was making fun of him in some way or another, but his pride was somehow worth Alec laughing like that. 

Alec fit into their group seamlessly as they walked around looking at shops and talking and laughing. It seemed natural that Alec was with them, and Magnus was happy to buy him the few things he got excited about. He knew spoiling Alec wasn’t a way to win his affection, but it was clear Alec had never had hardly anything so it was easy to buy for him. They spent a couple of hours together before the mall got old and they were all ready to leave, well except for Alec. Magnus volunteered to sit with Alec until his parents came, waving off his friends 

“You don’t have to wait with me,” Alec said quietly. “They’ll come around soon. How long can they shop for?” 

“I’m not leaving you alone here at night, kiddo,” Magnus told him. “Did you have fun today with us?”

“I always have fun with you,” Alec said eagerly and honestly. “You don’t have to buy me anything. I like you a lot anyways.”

“That’s not why I do it,” Magnus laid a hand over the boy’s. “I do it because it’s fun. I do it because you don’t ask for hardly anything, from anyone.” 

“I guess,” Alec fell quiet for a few minutes, silently watching the families herd their children out the door. There was a certain longing in his eyes that made Magnus’s heart hurt. As much as he already liked Alexander, he could never fill the void he would always feel. “Magnus, could you come to my school on Monday morning?”

“For what, darling?”

“Well,” Alec seemed to be unsure of how to say what he needed to. “We have show and tell that day. I-I don’t really have anything to show that I’m...that I like. Except you. You’re the best thing that’s ever been mine. You’re my Magnus.”

Well, okay then, Magnus didn’t need his heart anyways.

His heart melted then and there as Alec quietly proclaimed that he was his, and there was no denying that small fact. Magnus did belong to Alec, and he’d do anything for the younger boy. He’d only known Alec for six weeks, but already he was hooked. Seeing Alec brightened his day tenfold, and he went there every single day after work, no matter how exhausted he was or how horrible his day was. Alec chased away the darkness that had been lingering for so long. The dark clouds that had been with him since finding his mother swinging in her bedroom were now more of a light gray than the charcoal black. 

“Of course I’ll be there. I’d never miss it.” Magnus said hoarsely. Alec beamed at him happily before a gruff voice interrupted their cautious happy bubble. 

“There you are Didn’t we tell you to sit here, kid? How hard was it to stay put? This is the third time I’ve been back to get you.” The man had thinning red hair and he spoke abruptly and with a curt undertone to his voice. He had a military cut, and Magnus wouldn’t be surprised if he’d served at some point in his life. 

Alec fell apart at seeing this man in front of him. The cautious confidence he got when he was around Magnus disappeared completely. His head immediately bowed and his eyes didn’t leave the floor. HIs shoulders were slumped as he shuffled off the seat. 

“I think that’s my fault,” Magnus spoke up, nerves battling with his desire to defend Alec. This man was at least four inches taller than him, and not to mention his very defined muscles. 

“Who the hell are you?” The man snapped, his cold blue eyes focusing on him. 

“Magnus Bane, I’m Alec’s mentor,” It sounded completely ridiculous to say it as he stood here in only a tee and some jeans looking not nearly old enough to mentor anyone. 

“Yeah, you look like the mentoring type,” The man said, looking him over. Despite the same impression running through his own head, Magnus was highly offended that this hillbilly in camouflage thought he was so unfit. At least he knew better than leaving a kid alone in a mall the whole damn day. 

“More so than you, his guardian,” Magnus shot back, probably out of his mind getting into an argument with this man. He could easily pound Magnus into the ground, and Alec did not need to see them in some kind of brawl at the mall. 

“Screw you buddy,” The man said shortly, obviously not in the mood for a fight either. “Kid, let’s go. We’ve already been waiting on you for an hour now.” 

‘I’m sorry,” Alec apologized simply and quietly. The man still shoved Alec in front of him roughly, the little boy nearly falling as he got his feet under him. Magnus seethed with anger as he watched them go. Alec deserved so much more than this. He deserved someone to love him and care about him. He deserved to not be afraid to ask for things, and to be spoiled rotten. He deserved ice cream regularly and laughing often. 

He didn’t know how to get Alec the things he deserved, but he’d figure it out one way or another. Alec meant the world to him in a way nobody had since his mother had died. 

MBALMBALMBAL

The weeks went by and the snow started to come in bursts. He still saw Alec more than his friends or anyone else in his life. He started taking Alec out on Saturdays as well and helping him with homework or whatever they wanted to do. The more time he spent with Alec the signs of neglect grew more and more obvious. Alec always took at least an hour to warm up to him every time they met together. He flinched easily at loud noises and he was always unkempt and dirty. His clothes were too big and his hair was always dirty. He wasn’t sleeping well judging by how he didn’t focus easily and how exhausted he looked. Magnus had no idea if that was due to his foster parents, or bad dreams keeping him awake. The more he cared the more furious he got every time he noticed some small thing showing how Alec just wasn’t being taken care of the way a boy should be. 

One Saturday in particular made him more upset than usual. Alec had been over his apartment and had been far too tired to do homework so they had put on a movie. Alec wouldn’t cuddle up to Magnus today like he usually did, no matter how inviting Magnus made himself. He stayed in a corner of the couch, his gaze not focused on anything, but rather just staring out the window at the falling snow. Magnus let it go on for a half hour before that had been enough of that and he’d paused the film, the silence startling Alec badly enough to jump and look over at him. 

“Alec, darling, what’s going on?” Magnus asked softly as he scooted over to where Alec was curled up all alone. “You’re so tired, and you seem upset. You’ve hardly said a word to me today. You can talk to me Alec. You won’t be in trouble for saying anything, and I won’t tell anyone.”

“Not even the police?” Alec asked softly. The question startled him badly and made a sick feeling start in the pit of his stomach. 

“Not even,” Magnus promised, wondering what he was agreeing to. What kind of kid had to keep secrets from the police? 

“He was different last night,” Alec said finally in a choked voice. Magnus knew he meant his foster father. He never called him anything other than He. Alec never even used his name, and that said a volume about the relationship there. “It...It was scary. He threw things and yelled at her a lot. They fought for a long, long time and she was crying. H-he hit her some I-I think. He’s never acted like that before, and it was bad.” Alec was crying now, partly from how tired he was and partly from his awful night. Magnus figured he was probably drinking more than likely. His own father acted the same way when he’d had far too much to drink. He was incredibly agitated and occasionally violent. 

Magnus pulled the boy onto his lap, hushing Alec softly and cuddling him close. Alec was tense for only a moment before he let his head rest on Magnus’s shoulder as he cried quietly. Magnus knew by now that nobody touched Alec besides him. Alec wasn’t afraid of touch, but he was woefully unused to it. Every single touch seemed foreign to the little boy. “Shh Alec, you’re safe with me. It’s alright now. Your dad just drank a bit too much and got out of hand.” Magnus told him. Alec stiffened again at that and sniffed a few times.   
“He isn’t my dad,” Alec said coldly, or as coldly as he could with his nose running and his voice so tiny. “I don’t have a dad. I’m never going to.” 

“I’m sorry,” Magnus apologized sincerely for his mistake. He didn’t want to tell Alec just how bad his situation was since it wasn’t like Alec could fix it, but it was all more than a bit alarming. “I”m sorry, darling. I never should have called him that.”

“It’s alright,” Alec said as he settled back against Magnus once more. Magnus was at a loss of what to say so he turned the movie back on, though he kept Alec on his lap instead of letting him go back to being alone. Alec fell asleep quickly once Magnus pulled a blanket over the both of them. HIs breathing was slow and even against Magnus’s neck and though Magnus felt sick at what Alec had told him he held himself together until he took Alec home after some dinner. 

After he’d seen that awful man open the door roughly and sneer at Alec Magnus had driven only a short ways before he’d had to pull over to get rid of all that was in his stomach. It made him sick, what Alec had to go through. Things were bad, so very bad. That couple should never have children, but due to a mostly broken system they had a sweet, quiet boy that they could do with as they saw fit. He cried the entire drive home and when he pulled in his driveway to see Ragnor there he wasn’t even annoyed in the slightest for once. 

“Mags,” Ragnor said, his original snarky greeting dying on his lips. Magnus was more than sure he looked a complete mess now that he’d been crying for twenty minutes. “Hey, what’s going on?”

“They treat Alec so badly,” Magnus said as a new wave of tears hit. Saying it all out loud might kill him. “I can’t stand it. I can’t take seeing him neglected and so unloved. He’s so alone in that house.”

“Oh Mags,” Ragnor said softly. HIs best friend put an arm around him as Magnus unlocked the door with shaking hands. He wanted Alec back here with him, laughing at that stupid movie they’d put on and being happy. His heart lurched at the empty living room with two blankets bunched on the floor. Ragnor sat him on the couch and Magnus numbly pulled the blanket Alec had been curled up in towards him and held it close. 

“Take a drink, okay?” Ragnor poured him a shot of vanilla rum and pushed it towards him. His best friend watched him carefully as he tossed it back, the sting of it stopping his tears at last and calming him down by fair margin. Magnus poured himself another shot, his hands having stopped shaking finally. “Maybe you’re getting too invested in this Magnus, seriously. I think you need to have some space.”

“Space?” Magnus repeated, slightly furious. “How the fuck do you suggest I take space? I am the only good person Alexander has in his entire life right now! He has nobody to rely on and nobody to show him one ounce of love. He needs me more than anyone has ever needed me.”

“You can’t get this invested though,” Ragnor argued. “You didn’t cry this much when your own father went to prison. There’s nothing you can do to help Alec, unless you call child services. But then you’d still be the one getting hurt when Alec goes to a new home, and it might not be in the city.”

“Fuck,” Magnus swore, promptly downing his third shot before pushing the bottle away and taking a few deep breaths. “Ragnor, he’s already become family to me. I can’t just pull away from him. Everyone leaves him, fucking everyone. It’d be like if I didn’t have you or Catarina around me. I’d be so lost and miserable. How do I do that to Alec?”

“I…” Ragnor trailed off, lost for a proper answer. “I just don’t want you hurt by this. You’ve...well fuck man you’ve been through more than your fair share lately. I feel like Cat and I got you into this, only for you to end up hurt yet again.”

“I’m all he’s got,” Magnus said softly. “I”m not leaving him, not now or ever. I don’t care how much it hurts.”

Ragnor hung his head and raised his glass in a silent toast to that statement. They both knew there was nothing else to be done. 

MBALMBALMBAL

Alec hated the rain.

The rain wasn’t like it was in the movies. The rain didn’t make the world quiet and soft. For Alec, the rain made it stuffy and made him feel like he was suffocating. Magnus had dropped him off at home later than usual, but it was never late enough. They had ended up more and more often at Magnus’s house, which Alec loved. The place somehow felt just like Magnus did, safe. Alec had taken a long time to identify the way he felt with Magnus, but safe was definitely it. Magnus seemed sad lately, and he always postponed taking him home as long as he could. Alec had tried to be happier for Magnus’s sake, but it hadn’t helped just yet. Now it was pouring rain and he was sitting on their lumpy couch while They were in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Alec didn’t know their names any longer, since it wasn’t like he was allowed to use them. He mostly only answered yes or no to any given question, even when it got him dirty looks or irritated sighs. He didn’t want to talk to them if he could help it. He did as he was told and kept out of the way. 

“Where was he the whole night anyways?” She asked, her voice tired but flat as it always was. Alec knew she asked to have something to talk with Him about, not because she generally cared. Even as little as they spoke to him, Alec knew exactly why he was here. It was hardly an unusual reason. He was their hail mary for their relationship. It was more than obvious that they only thing they could talk about was him, or else it ended up in fighting and worse. 

“Off with that fag mentor of his,” He replied, his voice gruff and angry. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t always angry, but Alec felt himself stiffen as Magnus came up. Ever since that day at the mall they’d brought him up a couple of times, and not ever in a good light. “Do you know what he does for a living? He cuts hair, and if that isn’t so fucking fitting for a fairy I don’t know what is.”

“Do you think we got one like that?” She asked. “Y’know, a fag?”

“Fucking probably,” He complained. “It’d be our luck wouldn’t it?”

“Well, we can probably fix it. I mean he’s, what, nine?”

“I want him out of this mentoring shit,” He said firmly. “Especially with a guy like that. I mean, who lets them around children anyways?”

“I can call the school,” She offered meekly. Alec heard the slight fear in her voice and wondered if he’d start yelling at her again. She wasn’t so bad, but she was terrified of doing the wrong thing. Alec was barely breathing as their words washed over him. They wanted to take Magnus from him, the only person who always saw him and paid him his full attention. Magnus made him laugh and made him feel like he mattered because he was Alec and for no other reason. They couldn’t do that. If they did, then all he would have was Him and Her, and they never even looked at him if they could help it. Magnus looked at him, all the time. He looked at him when he talked, and he asked questions. Magnus loved him, even if he never said it, or at least Alec thought so. 

He quietly got off the couch and went upstairs. He got out the little brown bag his first foster father had given him when they’d had to send him away. He packed what little he had in it, leaving most of his clothes alone since they were too big and smelled awful. He packed his school things and tugged it down the hallway. He was shaking from head to foot, equally scared of what would happen if he got caught, or if he didn’t. He only knew he couldn’t lose his Magnus, not this time. He wasn’t sure where he’d go once he got out of the house, or if they would look for him. They didn’t seem to care all that much about him, but they liked him around to keep them from killing each other and for the money. Alec had heard about the money he earned his families all his life. It was the reason most of the families took him in to start with, and most of the time it wasn’t enough to keep him. 

“What the hell?” He stood in front of Alec, his eyebrows raised in surprise and his tone angry. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“You aren’t taking Magnus away!” Alec shouted at him. His own voice surprised him since he never yelled at anyone. He started to shake harder, knowing he was pushing every button there was. “You can’t take him away!”

“You think you can raise your voice to me, you little brat?” He took Alec’s bag and threw it against the opposite wall of the hallway. “I can promise you that you are never seeing that fag again. He’s going to turn you into one of them, and that’s just not gonna happen under my roof.”

“NO!” Alec screamed louder as tears pricked at his eyes. “No, you aren’t taking him away!”

“I can take away whatever I want to,” He sneered. “Especially from some brat like you. Kid, you better drop your screaming and crying act if you know what’s good for you.”

Alec started to cry loudly, in a way he never had before. He had to hold onto Magnus with all he had, even if he was scared. Magnus was all that made his days better now. Magnus was the best person he’d ever met. “Magnus is mine! All mine! I won’t let you take him!”

“You don’t have a god-damn thing to your name, you fucking runt! You belong to the state of New York, and that’s it. I”m about to give you something to cry about.” Before Alec could dodge out of the way, His strong hand had grabbed his upper arm and shoved him into the wall. Alec flinched at the pain and felt fear grip him with Magnus forgotten for the moment. He struggled against the hand holding him while the other hand was working the belt loose. Alec’s eyes widened as he held the belt up with a not so nice grin. 

“I’m gonna teach you what my daddy taught me, the respect only a belt can teach. You’ll learn to hold your tongue tonight, I promise you.” 

Alec was shoved against the couch, bent over as his shirt was hiked up to his shoulders. He squirmed and struggled as hard as he could, terrified of what was happening. The first lash of the belt came without warning and stung harshly on his bare skin. The buckle cut into him as it dragged over his skin, causing the tears to come more fiercely. It went on for what felt like forever until She came in and started yelling. 

“What the hell are you doing? You know we can’t hurt him or they’ll take him away from us! Have you lost your damn mind?” She stood to the side, not even glancing in Alec’s direction. Alec panted, his whole body aching and his chest not able to get a proper breath. 

He quickly lost interest in punishing Alec when he could punish Her instead. Alec sank to the floor, but only for a moment. He knew what this kind of fight menat. It meant they would be sending him back. He wasn’t saving their marriage, so he had to go. He’d seen it happen. If they sent him away he’d be leaving Magnus, and that just wasn’t an option. 

Alec took off for the door, slipping out silently undercover of the yelling. He hurt badly all over, but he had to keep going. He would go find Magnus, and the older man would help him. Magnus always helped him when things were bad. He just had to figure out where the older man lived, since he was always busy talking when they were driving. The rain soaked him quickly as he was forced to slow to a walk, making him shiver uncontrollably. He was alone in this big city and he’d never been so scared. He’d never run away before, though some of the older kids had told him it was one of the only ways out of the system, this or dying. He had no idea if the police would come after him. If they did he’d be in the system again and off to another home. 

It took him so much longer to walk to Magnus’s apartment than it took to drive, and it didn’t help that he took several wrong turns on the way here. He stood in front of Magnus’s door, suddenly too afraid to knock. What if Magnus didn’t want him here this late? What would he say now that Alec had left Them? Would he turn Alec over to the police? 

It was the thought of the blue, soft, and fuzzy blanket Magnus had bought just for him that laid inside this door that finally made him knock. 

He knocked as loudly as he could, though the place was dark. Magnus had to be home, he just had to be. He started sobbing before long when Magnus still didn’t answer the door. It was so cold and he didn’t have the energy to walk all the way back, not to mention he was more than slightly afraid of what he would find if he did go back. 

He didn’t notice a light turn on until the door opened and Magnus was in front of him. He stood in just a pair of pants and like he’d been sleeping. Alec had no idea what time it was, but it must be pretty late. He wanted to throw himself in Magnus’s arms, but instinct held him back. He could never let himself trust that easily. Plus he generally hurt too much to move right now. 

“Alec?” Magnus said once, looking at him for a moment before he sprang into action. He knelt in front of Alec the way he always did to make Alec feel better. “Oh Alec, how did you get here? Why are you so wet?”

“I-I walked,” Alec got out between his chattering teeth and his tears. “I left them. He hurt me and I left. They want to take you away from me.”

“Okay Alec,” Magnus said soothingly. He picked him up, probably sensing Alec wasn’t able to move very much anymore. Alec would never get used to being picked up, not having it done since he was very small. He found himself clinging to Magnus tightly, trying to stop crying the best he could. He wasn’t much for crying, until tonight it seemed. It only made all the adults so angry and it never got him comforted anyways. Nobody wanted him around when he cried, again until Magnus came around that is. 

“Shh, Alec honey,” Magnus said as he set Alec on his lap while he sat on the couch. “Take some deep breaths, okay? You need to calm down so you can talk to me. It’s okay now.” Magnus started to rub his back, but soon he hit one of the marks that belt buckle had made and it made him cry out and flinch away violently. 

“Ow,” Alec whimpered, the tears had stopped but the shaking hadn’t.   
“Ow?” Magnus questioned, turning Alec gently so he could see. He lifted up the soaking went shirt, making the cuts hurt more as the shirt was peeled away from them. Magnus hissed in sympathy as he saw his back. Alec ducked his head down, completely ashamed it had happened. He didn’t know what Magnus was thinking, and he was so afraid to ask. 

“Are you upset I came here?” Alec asked with a lump in his throat. “I-I’m sorry I did.”

“I’m not upset even a little,” Magnus told him with a kiss to his head. “I’m going to get you a new shirt to wear, okay?”

“Okay,” Alec sat in silence as Magnus went upstairs. He made himself relax a little, knowing somehow that he was truly okay now. Magnus would not make him go back there, at least not tonight. 

MBALMBALMBAL

Magnus took a moment to breathe as he looked into his closet for something to give Alec to wear. He pulled on a shirt as well, his mind whirring unpleasantly with a million thoughts. Alec had come here in the rain, all the way across Brooklyn. He was shivering and miserable and scared. Was he supposed to just send him back home again? Was that the protocol here? Could he just let Alec stay? Would those assholes even care if Alec didn’t come back? The answer was probably not, but surely the state of New York would? But he didn’t want to call child services because he’d lose this boy forever. 

That couldn’t happen for either of them.

He pulled down a gray sweater and got a pair of boxers from the drawer that would be more like basketball shorts on Alec. He also grabbed his first aid kit from his bathroom since the cuts on his back looked painful and they were bleeding. He was halfway down the stairs when he realized Alec would probably get sick without a hot shower first. He set the things he’d gathered in the bathroom and went to go fetch Alec instead. 

He sat curled up on the couch where he’d left him. He was still shivering a bit, but at least his tears had stopped. He had come here because they wanted to have him stop seeing Magnus. Alec had ran away over the thought of not seeing him again. Was that bad? Should he cut this relationship off and have Alec go back?

Magnus caught a glimpse of his back again and decided that answer was definitely not. This wasn’t abuse, and Magnus knew that. He also knew that Alec had been neglected for months now and that he couldn’t see that continue either. Alec wanted to be here and Magnus wanted him here. He wouldn’t send him back, and if that proved bad then he’d take the consequences when they came. He had two bedrooms, and Alec was nine already so how hard could it all be? He may not be an ideal guardian, but he’d do better than those idiots. He could make sure Alec was happy and that he was clean and that he got his homework done. 

“Alright,” Magnus said and Alec jumped slightly, not realizing he was in the room. “We need to get you in a warm shower first, okay?”

“Can I have a bath?” Alec asked shyly. He didn’t look at Magnus as he said it and his bottom lip quivered slightly. He looked as if he regretted asking the moment he had. 

“I have one of those too,” Magnus agreed with a smile. Alec finally looked at him and his blue eyes were scared, but he let a smile linger on his lips. Magnus moved to sit next to him again and took a deep breath. 

“I will go talk to the idiots you live with tomorrow and tell them you’re going to be staying with me. They can keep their child support money, and you can stay with me. That might work for awhile. I can’t promise you that the state won’t ever come looking for you, but for now you can stay with me. We’ll make this work as long as we can.”

“I can stay with you?” Alec looked like Christmas had come early as his face lit up. “Really?”

“How many visits from the state do you have left?” Magnus asked him. He’d done a bit of research on foster care and knew for a certain amount of time the state did come check on the kids until they were settled. 

“None,” Alec shook his head. “They’ve already come three times, and that means they don’t check anymore until the parents call them. I-if they agree to let me live here it wouldn’t be a big deal.” Alec suddenly deflated and tears glistened in his eyes again. “But they hate you. They don’t want you around me. They wanted to stop me from seeing you anymore. They’ll never let me be happy with you.”

“Hush,” Magnus said softly as he brought a hand up to wipe the tears away. “Darling, I’m going to try my very best. I promise you. They honestly only want the money from the state more than likely. I”ll gladly let them keep receiving the checks. We’ll get this worked out, okay sweet pea?”

The latest pet name made Alec’s cheeks pink, but he smiled as well. “Are you sure you want me?”

“That was never even a question,” Magnus told him honestly. He pulled Alec to him in a hug and held him tightly. “You aren’t alone Alexander, not anymore. Now, it’s time for a bath and bed for you.”

Alec nodded in agreement and let himself be carried upstairs to the bathroom. Magnus was going to leave him to do his own thing, but as soon as he put a hand on the door and glanced over his shoulder he realized that wasn’t an option. He saw Alec’s hands shake and his eyes dart around, obviously afraid to touch anything. Alec had been through enough tonight, and so Magnus would help him bathe and tuck him into his bed. This would be his start into parenting, or whatever he wanted to call it. He had no clue what he was getting into, but he knew he had to step up to the plate. He was Alec’s shot at happiness, and he couldn’t let that go.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!!! So in this chapter Magnus gets to find out what single parent life is all about. He realizes just how much Alec has to work on due to his past up to this point and we find out the demons Magnus is still very much battling himself. This chapter is actually a tad dark in some parts, but the next chapter promises to be much lighter and fluffier, featuring the Herondalesl!!! 
> 
> So during Magnus's dream and afterwards there is much graphic talk and images of suicide so if you're triggered skip his dream. It gets pretty dark and it gave me chills. 
> 
> Also please forgive any mistakes. I've been tired these last few weeks and I have no beta. I tried I really did. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it and happy reading :)

There was a dream Alec had had since he’d been a small boy. This sort of dream was almost worse than the nightmares in some ways. This dream wasn’t much of a story, or even a picture really. This dream was more of a feeling. It consisted of being warm, and feeling so safe that nothing bad could ever happen while he was in that place. It was the feeling of love, so strong that it consumed him completely. Most of all though, it was happiness. In this dream he was the blissful kind of happy that maybe only existed in fairy tales. It was the kind of happy that felt like laying in sunshine with nothing to worry you in the world. It was the happy that came with security and with being okay with every part of who you were and where you lived. These dreams were the worst for Alec because he woke up and that happiness disappeared like smoke through his fingers. He could never capture it during his waking hours and his heart ached to feel it. 

On that November morning in Magnus’s apartment, being held in Magnus’s arms snugly, Alec felt like that maybe he had finally captured that feeling in some place other than a dream. He woke up warm and feeling so safe. His head was pillowed on Magnus’s chest and he could tell Magnus was awake, but hadn’t moved yet to wait for him to wake. One hand was absently rubbing his back while the other held his phone lofted above Alec’s head. It was so peaceful and for once Alec didn’t have to worry about jumping up to get ready for the day and not being in anyone’s way. It somehow didn’t have that weird feeling that Alec always felt waking up in a new home. He didn’t feel unsure and wrong-footed here. He felt as if this was natural, waking up with Magnus. It was natural being around the older man. It was the best he’d felt in his life, and he hoped with all he had that it could last. 

“Hi,” Alec said quietly, his hand moving slightly to poke at Magnus’s arm that was holding the phone. 

“Good morning,” Magnus returned, setting his phone down on the bed with a soft thump. “Did you sleep okay?”

“The best,” Alec answered honestly. He worried suddenly that maybe Magnus hadn’t enjoyed it as much since he was used to sleeping alone. “D-did you?”

“I slept just great.” Magnus shifted and Alec moved so he could sit up. Pain shot through his back and he winced as he laid on it wrong. Last night had been a lot to cope with, but it seemed a little less dark with sunshine streaming through the window. “Hang on, I’ll get you some Tylenol for that, okay? Come use the bathroom and I found a toothbrush for you to use for now.”

“Okay Magnus,” Alec said softly and went across the hall while Magnus went downstairs. This all felt like too good to be true. He felt like any minute his foster parents would appear at the door demanding he come home. Magnus was supposed to go talk to them today, or at least that’s what he said. Alec had no idea if that would even work. He’d never met a foster kid with a happy ending, and so he thought that it probably wasn’t possible. 

He opened the bathroom door to hear voices downstairs. He froze and could hardly breathe until he realized that he recognized the other voices, and that it was only Magnus’s friends he had met that day in the mall. The sweater easily came past his knees so he crept slowly down the stairs, unsure if he should interrupt them talking. If he was too annoying Magnus might send him back, and that was the last thing he wanted. 

“You have blood on your couch,” The girl was saying, her voice high and concerned. “Since when do you just leave blood on your couch? Are you hurt?”

“I swear to you I am fine,” Magnus placated them, but Alec could hear his voice was nervous also. It was the way he’d sounded that first day he’d met Alec in the gym. 

“Why do you look so surprised we’re here? We always come over and feed you the morning of your birthday.” This time it was Ragnor speaking, the one that made Alec laugh way too easily. Then Alec’s mind froze and went back to what exactly he’d said. Today was Magnus’s birthday, and Alec had likely ruined all of his plans. He was much younger than most of the people Alec had lived with. Magnus probably still threw fun parties and had fun on his birthday. The kind of adult fun Alec didn’t understand yet. 

“It slipped my mind,” Magnus said. Alec wanted to go to him, but wasn’t sure if he’d be welcome right now. 

“That it was your birthday? This is like the one thing that makes you normal, loving your birthday.” Ragnor spoke again and laughed a bit after he said it. 

“I am plenty normal,” Magnus defended. “I just….have a bit of a situation going on right now.”

“Does the situation have anything to do with the blood on your couch?” The woman said again, coming back to her point.

“Cat, it was a small spot of blood. Magnus could have cut himself shaving and bled that much. Will you relax?” Ragnor said. Alec felt awful for bleeding on Magnus’s couch. Even as young as he was he could tell Magnus didn’t exactly have the money to replace it or to have it cleaned. 

“Sort of,” Magnus answered awkwardly. “Listen, guys, can you come back and make me lunch or something? Right now is honestly the worst time.”

“What’s going on Mags?” Ragnor had dropped his joking tone and his voice was softer now and much more serious. “You can tell us anything. I do mean anything.”

“Well,” Alec could hear the hesitation in Magnus’s voice. He didn’t quite understand why Magnus was being so weird about this. Alec had already met his friends, and they had all gotten along great. He was just going to go back upstairs when a sneeze hit him suddenly and without warning. Alec felt his face heat up as he stood there frozen. The apartment was eerily silent for a long moment. 

“Who the hell just sneezed?” Ragnor asked.

“That would be Alec,” Magnus answered at last. “Come on out, Alec.”

MBALMBALMBALMBAL

Magnus knew his friends were going to have opinions on this. 

Alec stepped out with his hair still rumpled from sleep and that sweater hanging over him like a tent. He looked absolutely adorable as he shyly walked over to Magnus and took his hand. Feeling that small hand clutching onto his confirmed to Magnus that he’d made the right choice. Alec belonged with him, in some weird way. He had never planned to adopt a kid at eighteen, but here it was. Maybe it was the way of the universe giving him a birthday present. 

“Oh Magnus,” Catarina whispered, her eyes taking in the picture of the two of them. “What...What is this?”

Magnus took another deep breath and ignored the two gaping adults in his kitchen in favor of the child at his side who didn’t deserve to hear even a hint that he wasn’t wanted in one more place. He knew Alec was smarter and more perceptive than most adults he knew and that he’d probably already gotten the hint that his presence was a surprise, and not the happy sort. 

“Alec,” Magnus said softly, blue eyes watching him carefully. “Why don’t you go watch some TV while we make breakfast? You like pancakes?”

“I had them at school!” Alec said enthusiastically. “They were really good!”

“Well, these are going to be ten times better,” Magnus promised him with a smile. “Go get your blanket and cuddle up. I”ll come get you soon.”

“Okay.” Alec’s keen blue eyes flicked over Ragnor and Catarina for a moment before he did as he was told. Magnus blew out a breath before turning slowly and facing his friends. 

“I don’t want a word said until we are outside with coffee,” Magnus said firmly as he got down three mugs and poured each of them a full cup. He led them quietly past Alec on the couch and outside to his front steps. The wind was not as biting as it had been, but it served to wake him up fully nonetheless. 

“So, it says here that kidnapping is a misdemeanor with only a year in jail,” Ragnor said as soon as the door shut behind him. “That’s comforting, isn’t it?”

“Magnus, what the hell are you thinking?” Cat asked, running a hand through her hair. “I know you’ve been upset about the way Alec has been treated, but mentoring him is a way to help. How do you think this is okay? You have to take him back.”

“First of all,” Magnus said after his first long sip of coffee. “I did not kidnap anyone. Alec came here last night after I took him home. The blood on the couch is his after his disgusting foster father beat him with a belt for who knows what reason. I wasn’t about to take him back at midnight last night.”

“Oh,” Catarina looked extremely relieved to hear that. “Well, that’s okay. You just need to take him home after this and explain to his parents what happened and it will all be fine.”

“I just told you he’d been beaten with a belt,” Magnus repeated, looking at his best friend like she’d grown three heads. “Your first reply is to have me take him back?”

“Yes,” Cat said firmly. “You are taking him back because he is not yours and that means that he can’t stay here without explicit permission from his parents. I”m sorry he’s treated badly, I truly am. I’m not going to have you end up getting arrested for trying to save him.”

“I’m keeping him,” Magnus told them, his words firm but he could feel every part of himself shaking. His heart was set on keeping Alec with him, but his brain still had very serious and logical doubts. Ragnor was oddly quiet during this exchange. HIs brown eyes were quietly watching Magnus, but he hadn’t said a thing yet. 

“Keep him?” Catarina ran a hand through her hair again. “You turn eighteen today and you decide to keep a kid? Magnus, do I need to point out the problems with this? You don’t have the money to support a child. Your career is barely starting, and you need time and dedication to build it. You are barely coping with the job you have and who knows if it will work out. Alec belongs to the state, and even if these horrible people don’t care if Alec doesn’t come back to them, the state will definitely care. You can’t do this Magnus, I’m sorry.”

Magnus was looking at the ground as she ranted. Her points were valid, all of them. It stung to have it thrown in his face that his career wasn’t starting off as great as he’d dreamed. He didn’t have the money or the experience to take care of Alec. He didn’t have anything people normally had when they decided to have a kid. He barely had his stuff together. He’d only been sober off drugs for six months, and that was nothing. Nobody would give Magnus Bane a child, but Alec had chosen him despite the odds. The one thing he had to offer Alec was love, love and protection. He could love Alec with all he had. He could show this boy all he’d been missing these past nine years. Maybe they could heal one another, Alec and him. Maybe they could help each other through the bad and come out of this with the sun shining on their side. 

It was only a maybe, and barely one at that, but it was all Magnus needed. 

“I don’t deserve him,” Magnus said finally. Cat’s face fell and she looked guilty at the conclusion he’d come to. “Alec probably deserves someone who has their stuff together much more than I do. He deserves to have his parents with him, have them love him. He deserves the entire world, and instead he’s got me.” Magnus felt tears prick the back of his eyes, but he blinked a few times to keep them away. “I am going to go talk to those idiots about keeping Alec with me. They can keep the checks from the state. Alec has always been under the radar, if he’s been allowed to be treated this way. Even if I report these people, who says the next will be any better? I can love him Catarina, that much I know. I can love him with all I’ve got and maybe I can never afford to buy him anything nice, but I don’t think Alec cares about that.”

“You work crazy hours in Manhattan,” Cat continued to protest. “You don’t have regular hours. How are you going to afford to feed you both? Paying for a babysitter when you can’t be home? Kids need more than love, Mags.”

“As a kid who had everything but that,” Magnus said a tad coldly. “I can attest that all a kid really wants is to be loved. My father didn’t love me, not one bit. He emotionally abused my mother until she took her life eight years ago, and then he tried to do it to me. We had everything I could have wanted. I had money for clothes, and for anything I wanted. I had a nice home and dinner every night. But where was I? I was with you and Ragnor at some shit diner eating because I hated how he looked at me. Don’t fucking tell me that material things make people happier.”

“I didn’t mean-” Catarina looked horrified at the rant her words had caused. 

“Okay, you’re doing this,” Ragnor said with a hint of pride in his eyes. “You now have a nine year old that is all yours. Alec adores you, and even I can see that. As your birthday present, let’s get Alec set up with a few things? It’s on me.”

“You don’t have to pay for-” Magnus argued, but his heart was so full with gratitude towards his best friend.

“Oh my friend,” Ragnor gave him a wry grin. “If Alec is anything like we were, you will have more than enough to pay for coming up. I think this will mean more to you than me buying you anything else.”

“You’re going to support me in this?” It wasn’t entirely unusual for Ragnor to support his crazy ideas, but this was a bit much even for that. 

“If this means everything to you, then of course I do,” Ragnor nodded to him and smiled. 

“Cat?” Magnus had to ask. He had never done anything without her. 

“I’m worried for you,” Catarina said with a sigh. “But then again, when am I not worried? I’m worried this is going to backfire, and that things aren’t going to work out so simple. Magnus, this is a huge thing you’re doing for this kid. You’re probably saving his life. It’s not a secret that too many foster kids end up homeless, or in drug addiction, or worse than all that. I’ll do everything I can to help you.”

“Thanks, both of you. I need this, for me and for him.” Magnus pulled Catarina to him in a hug, holding her tightly and feeling himself calm. He didn’t know if he could do this when he felt like he barely could take care of himself, but there was going to be nothing able to stop him from giving it his all. 

He looked at Alec happily on his couch with a bright blue blanket covering everything but his tuft of black hair and his blue eyes. He was smiling at the show and looked so much happier than last night, or any night lately. 

Well, he supposed he would start with learning to make pancakes.

MBALMBALMBALMBAL

The thing about the craziest ideas was that they seemed so easy in the frantic adrenaline fused moments of planning them. It seemed like it would work exactly the way it did in your head, but reality set in and the crazy ideas were crazy for a reason. It’d been two weeks since Alec had come to live with Magnus, and Magnus had never been more exhausted. The meeting with the former foster parents had gone surprisingly well, The mother had been home alone and seemed so relieved when Magnus told her he wanted to take over Alec’s care, but the checks could go to them. He hadn’t heard a word since, so he assumed that the husband had similar feelings. That was about the one and only thing that had been easy so far. 

Alec was as adorable and endearing as ever, but it was just someone relying on him completely for everything. He was suffering in Manhattan because he couldn’t put in the unplanned extra hours at the last minute. He always arrived barely on time and left as soon as he could. Alec had abandonment issues, and that was rougher to deal with than he’d anticipated. Alec had a break between schools, until the paperwork could be processed and forms signed. He had to have a babysitter while Magnus killed himself at his salon. The first morning had been a disaster with Alec sobbing loudly as he left and not in any better of a mood when he got home later on. He understood why Alec felt the way he did, it wasn’t exactly rocket science. He’d been left so many times by everyone in his life, and Magnus was probably one of the best he’d ever had. 

“Okay,” Magnus came out of the shower to find Alec seated on his bed reading a book. He was always like this, right by Magnus and always quietly in his own business. He liked to be close by, but he never tried to be a bother. “Are you hungry, Alec?”

“Yep,” Alec said, not tearing his eyes from the book. Magnus rolled his eyes fondly as he pulled on a shirt and pulled on some jeans. He was silently debating whether it was worth doing his hair yet again for dinner. 

“Do you have to put that stuff in your hair?” Alec asked, his book set aside for the moment. Magnus looked at him with a bemused smile. 

“You don’t like it?” He wondered what kids thought of the radical way he did his hair. 

“I do,” Alec shrugged one shoulder. “It looks good all soft too, and we’re just going to get take out anyways.”

“You have a point,” Magnus conceded. He sighed and tried to run through his head on what had to get done before he went to bed tonight. He had to get the rent paid, before his landlord started getting unpleasant again. The tips from today should cover their missing portion at least. Shopping could wait until tomorrow, and so could everything else in his opinion. 

“I didn’t cry at all today,” Alec said without looking at him. “MIndy and I actually had fun today. She’s good at making those paper oragami things. She taught me how to make a crane and a frog today. She also brought stuff to make us chicken salad sandwiches. I…” Alec trailed off as a blush creeped on his cheeks. “I trusted that you would come back.”

“You did,” Magnus agreed softly as he went to sit behind Alec and drape an arm around him. “MIndy had fun with you as well. You did so great today, darling.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been a pain,” Alec confessed. “I do it with most of my new guardians when they leave the first few times. I try not to, but I can’t help it. I feel like such a huge baby, but I just keep thinking you won’t come back. It happened with the last family I liked. One day they just left and before they ever came back my social worker showed up and took me back to the group home again. I don’t mean to act like a baby.”

“I never thought that Alec,” Magnus told him sincerely. He hugged Alec tightly and kissed the top of his head. Alec preened under his touch and curled into him. He was more comfortable now with casual affection, and seemed to always crave more. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you settled in better. My job doesn’t let me take days off just yet. My boss is a….well they’re a bit strict so far. My clients don’t like my style, and so they aren’t eager to book me for their appointments.”

“But you aren’t going to do their hair like yours,” Alec frowned a bit in confusion. “Hair people do what you want them to do, right?”

“You already know more than those snobs in Manhattan,” Magnus said proudly as he ruffled his hair. “We need to order our stuff before too late. You have your first day at your new school tomorrow.”

“Oh, right,” Alec said with obvious reluctance. He had told Magnus explicitly that he didn’t want to stay at his current school, but he didn’t seem all that thrilled about starting a new one. 

“Come on Alec, new adventures are what make life exciting,” Magnus enthused as he led the way downstairs to their selection of take out menus. Alec had loved everything Magnus had introduced him to so far, thank goodness. He was so glad Alec had an amenable palate even at a young age. 

“I kinda feel like tacos,” Alec said hesitantly, still not too confident in choosing their cuisine choices. Magnus had been careful to have Alec make more and more choices, since it was clear he hadn’t had a lot of practice in it so far. 

“Tacos are always good,” Magnus agreed. He grabbed their jackets and handed one to Alec. “Sadly, they don’t exactly deliver.”

“Are you going to make me order again?” Alec asked as they stepped outside into the chilly air. November was hitting them hard this year, and the smell of snow was already on the horizon.

“Yes,” Magnus said smugly as he finished locking the door. His first priority had been to try and coax Alec to lose some of his anxiety ridden behavior. 

“I hate it,” Alec pouted a bit as they headed off to the best taco restaurant in Brooklyn. It was a tiny place, but the food was amazing. 

“It’s good to talk to people Alec,” Magnus told the younger boy. “Ordering food is a win-win. You get your people skills in and get rewarded with food at the same time.”

“Why is talking to people so important?” Alec pouted, curling into himself as they walked slowly. Magnus frowned and glanced at him, surprised at his attitude. He was obviously in a bad mood somewhere in his mind. He was quiet tonight, which wasn’t unusual but at the same time Magnus felt like it was a different kind of quiet. 

They arrived to see it moderately crowded, people coming home from work and lingering to take out some tacos. Magnus rolled his eyes at the crowd and kept Alec close to him. Alec held onto him nervously, hating people around so much. They had to wait at least twenty minutes for their turn to place an order, the whole time Magnus going over with Alec what they wanted to order. It was really simple, consisting of six chicken tacos, chips and salsa with two drinks. It would take about thirty seconds to order, and Alec seemed more okay with it than he had while they were walking over here. 

“Alright Alec, tell him what we want,” Magnus encouraged gently as they stepped up to the counter. A teen was behind it looking apathetic and irritated. He looked at Alec expectantly and like he wanted to be anywhere else. 

“We need six chicken tacos,” Alec said softly, voice wavering but at least loud enough to be understood this time. Magnus felt so proud of himi for even doing this much, and he felt stupid feeling this way. Things Alec was doing wasn’t even considered things to think about for most people. Most kids Alec’s age were loud and inquisitive, no question too hard to ask. They didn’t know how to be shy of what other people thought, but Alec knew it all too well. He was scared of people, and how cruel they could be. The world had shown him the worst side too early, so Magnus was determined to show him a better one. 

“Six what?” The teen snapped at Alexander, fed up with the long line of frustrating people. Alec flinched a bit and looked down at his feet. Magnus wanted to save him, truly he did. He also knew this was important for Alec to get down. He had to learn to speak up for himself. 

“Chicken tacos,” Alec was back to mumbling now, and Magnus knew this was not going to end well. 

“Can you speak up?” It was a valid request, but his tone was sharp and impatient. Alec let go of his hand and had tears in his eyes as he looked accusingly at Magnus like he had solely caused each and every problem in his young life. 

“I told you I didn’t want to order,” He cried a tad dramatically and took off out of the store. Magnus’s heart leapt into his throat as Alec disappeared from view onto the busy street. He didn’t spare a glance for the cashier as he took off after Alec without hesitation. He emerged onto the sidewalk looking probably way too frantic for the situation. He was in charge of Alec, and it was against the odds as it was. He just wanted to prove he could do this, for the both of them. That definitely didn’t include losing Alec on a busy street. 

He spotted the small boy leaning against the wall with the angriest look on his face Magnus had ever seen thus far. Angry tears fell sporadically down his cheeks and he wiped them away as he stared at the ground. Magnus sighed deeply, angry and yet already caving to the large blue eyes he knew would look at him in a moment. He understood why Alec was unpredictable emotionally. He probably would be for years and years. He’d been shoved around every corner of New York without a care to what he wanted or how he felt about it. He was so out of control of a miserable life, and he was so scared of change. He was scared of the cruelty of people, and he was scared if they were too nice at the same time. All the clothes Magnus had gotten him Alec had kept in a little suitcase he had. Magnus didn’t want to push him to unpack, but at the same time he wanted Alec to feel like he could. He was so afraid he’d have to leave, and he was afraid it could be for any reason at any time. He had no idea what permanence was. 

Magnus didn’t say a word as he took Alec’s hand and led him to a small park by his apartment. He was still gathering his thoughts, and he wanted to give Alec a minute to calm down as well. They got to the swings and Magnus immediately collapsed on one, prompting Alec to follow suit. 

“We didn’t get any tacos,” Magnus said as his stomach grumbled. Alec was watching him carefully as they swung gently back and forth, the relative quiet of the park welcoming in comparison to the big city. 

“They’re so good too,” Alec said in return, his mournful tone making Magnus fight a smile. 

“I’m going to push you to do things you might not want to do,” Magnus said quietly. “It won’t ever be anything dangerous or anything bad for you. That being said I...I pushed too far today and I’m sorry for that. Alexander, there are some things that you need to learn how to do that may scare you. Talking to people well is a skill you will thank me for, one day. I know people have generally been awful to you, and it’s true that most of them are kind of awful. There are very kind people too. Most people are polite, and not so rude and inconsiderate.”

“That guy was mean,” Alec said quietly as he stared at the ground. “That guy at the taco stand made me feel stupid. I hate people that act like I’m stupid. I never speak loud enough so people can hear me and they get mad.”

“You aren’t stupid, you’re shy,” Magnus said, his anger gone as quickly as it had flared up. “That boy at that taco restaurant hated his job and had a bad attitude to begin with. It had nothing to do with you, I promise.”

“It felt like it did,” Alec mumbled as he pushed off a bit and gave his swing a bit of momentum. “Are you working tomorrow again?”

“Yeah,” Magnus said, even though he wanted with all he had to say no and stay home. “I”ll be taking you to school though before I go. I know you don’t like school, and the other kids and all the people. Just pretend that tomorrow will be brand new, and try to forget about before when you started a new one. Try and not think it’ll be awful before it actually is, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Alec agreed. He glanced at Magnus for only a moment before tearing his blue eyes away and back to the ground. “Are you angry with me? I...I….are you going to call them and take me back?” His voice was choked at the end and filled with tears. Magnus knew Alec was afraid of this, but hearing it said aloud hurt his heart so badly that he felt it aching tangibly. 

“Okay,” Magnus said decisively as he got off the swing and took the few steps to be level with Alexander. He got on his knees and looked intently at Alec. It was time to try and put this to rest for now, since it probably wouldn’t be forever. He had no doubt he’d have to tell Alec this again at some point, but it was important they got this straight tonight. “Alec, I think we need to have a talk about how this is going to work between us.” Magnus sighed and put a hand on Alec’s knee softly. Alec took a shuddering breath as he stared back at Magnus, his eyes curious and hopeful. Magnus wiped one last stray tear away as he continued what he felt like he had to say to make Alec believe he wasn’t something to be thrown away the moment things got hard. “ Darling, I agreed to take you in because I wanted to. I took you in because from the moment we met you’ve been important to me. You are my family as much as I am to you. I don’t have anyone else either Alec. I”ll tell you that story one day, but just know that you are all I have as much as I’m all that you have. We’re in this together, forever.”

“Forever?” Alec repeated softly, his small voice filled with disbelief. “Forever is a really long time.”

“It is,” Magnus agreed. “That’s why I have to forgive you, and never stay mad at you very long.” He grinned at Alec, who started to grin just as much in return. He caught Alec easily when the little boy threw himself into Magnus’s arms for a hug. Magnus probably should have lectured Alec about his outburst, or about running away from him into a crowded street, but right now he was more worried about Alec feeling safe and like he finally had a home. 

MBALMBALMBAL

The dream started with soft laughter. 

It drifted to him softly, from far away and grew louder gradually. It surrounded him like a familiar blanket, hiding him from the rest of the world. He closed his eyes and smiled at the feeling before opening them again to see his mother sitting in front of him. They were in some field, the one behind their house that he used to run through on the days his mother would actually take him outside. Except instead of being only up to her waist like he’d been as a child, he was the way he was now. He was fully grown and able to sit across from her and look into her soft, hazel eyes. He still heard her laughter ringing in his ears, even if her mouth was closed as she gazed at him silently. Her face was so soft, and looked so peaceful. Her skin was smooth and her eyes were kind, and warm. It must be a good day for her, and his father must not be home.

“I’m scared,” Magnus confessed aloud, his own voice soft and echoing in this strange field space. 

“I know,” She said simply. “You’re so strong, baby.”

“I wasn’t enough,” Magnus said, the words choking him as he said them aloud. “You left me. I couldn’t keep you around.”

“Magnus, my love,” His mother lifted a hand and rested it against his cheek. He couldn’t feel it though and as the sun shone on her skin it appeared to be transparent. She was here, but not really here. It was the oxymoron he’d lived with his entire life. His mother being right in front of him, but a million light years away at the same time. “That had nothing to do with you. It runs so much deeper than that. I wish I could have stayed for you.”

“You could have,” Magnus hissed angrily. He had never felt this anger with her, not even at her funeral. He had never been angry at her for taking her own life three years ago. “You could have just lived your life, the way the rest of us have to. You could have just….dealt with it.”

HIs mother sat silently at his outburst, words lost on her. He was breathing deeply through his nose, staring at her like she was a stranger. He ached for her so sharply, and at the same time he felt to angry staring at this shadow of the woman he loved more than anyone. It took several moments before she stood and began walking away. 

“Mom,” Magnus yelled after her, panic gripping him fiercely and unexpectedly. “Mom, no! Please, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean any of it! Mom, I didn’t want to make you leave! Please, stay with me! Mom….” His voice broke as her figure faded slowly from his sights. 

The next moment he felt a hand grip his arm, cold as ice. He shouted in surprise as the hand hurled him around to face the opposite direction. The field was fading quickly to empty blackness as he faced his father. HIs father that had hated his mother as long as he could remember, hated her for something she could never control. He had hated the both of them, and Magnus had never known his reason for hating him. 

“This is because of you,” HIs father spat at him. “She’s gone because of you. You just had to tell her about your abnormal feelings, and your abnormal ambitions. She didn’t want to be around you anymore. Nobody wants you Magnus, except your freak friends. They all pity you because you have no mother. Nobody loves you because you chose to be this freak. Your mother certainly didn’t love you, or she would have stayed.”

“Stop,” Magnus begged, the words stabbing him over and over. HIs father’s face loomed over him as an invisible weight settled around his throat, choking him. He fell to the ground, writhing and gasping for air as his father watching impassively. A look of pleasure on his face as he watched his only son fade away. In the background he could see his mother’s form swinging slowly back and forth from the bedsheets she had wrapped around the ceiling fan. He stared into her lifeless eyes, the darkness overtaking him at the same time. 

Magnus woke abruptly, unable to take in a breath and his throat aching like it had when he had woken in the hospital months ago. One hand darted up to clutch at his throat as he quietly stumbled from the room, desperate to be alone for the moment. Alec was sleeping soundly still, thank goodness. Sweat soaked his shirt and his face as he sank down on the bathroom floor. He never dreamed about his parents, barely thought about them when he could help it. He hadn’t seen her face in months, and it hurt like someone was squeezing his heart as tightly as they could. He missed her, every single day. He missed her laugh and the quiet way she spoke. He missed her quiet humming when she was having a good day. He missed cuddling in her bed on the bad ones. 

Then his mind had to drift to the last part of his dream and the very real events that had led to his father nearly killing him. He had tried to strangle Magnus in their basement, his cold hands squeezing with no hint of remorse in his cold, green eyes. He had the same eyes, and he hated looking at them in the mirror. He’d been drunk, as was his constant state of being since his mother had left them. He had stopped hesitating telling Magnus what exactly he thought of him the moment the funeral was over. Magnus was hated, and there was no doubting it. He was hated for having his mother’s skin and her hair. He was hated for his attractions, and for his goals to be a stylist. He was hated for the friends he kept. He was hated for existing. He’d also been told each and every day for two years about it. 

When five minutes had passed and his airway had only grown smaller and the panic attack worsening rather than fading off Magnus dialed Ragnor and simply let the phone sit on the floor next to him. He was rubbing his throat and reminding himself that he was fine now. His father was in prison, and he was safe. That bastard didn’t matter anymore, and he never had. He had been full of lies and senseless hate. The mantra should have helped, but he couldn’t make his heart believe it when he was sitting alone in the middle of the night. He shoved a washcloth between his teeth as the sobs turned to faint screams, the pain relentlessly beating for a way out. He hadn’t really dealt with anything since his mother had died. He’d kept himself busy and taken sleeping pills. Then he had dealt with his father and found a place to live after the attempted murder. The dreams came once in awhile, and they were this bad each and every time. They made him want to tear himself apart, and the entire world with it. He missed his parents, the way it all used to be. Before he understood that his mother was so very sick, and that his father hated her for it. The world had been innocent and he had felt loved, no matter what kind of illusion it was. 

“Magnus, oh hell Magnus,” Ragnor’s voice made him snap out of his headspace to realize he’d drifted to lay on his side, breathing ragged and tears still flowing. One hand was tangled in his hair, pulling roughly while the other was still lingering at his throat. “What the hell is in your mouth? I’ve got you, come here,” Ragnor sat next to him and pulled him back to a sitting position so that he could let Magnus rest against his chest. He still hadn’t said a word to his best friend, and he felt like couldn’t take a proper breath. 

“I can’t wake Alec,” Magnus got out as Ragnor took the washcloth and threw it aside. 

“Yeah, well, you also need to breathe,” The comment was a tad snarky, but the tone was caring as ever. Ragnor’s hand was stroking his hair, grounding him back to the moment as much as possible. “Mags, you’re okay. Did you have a nightmare? I’m going to guess a yes.”

Magnus nodded a bit against Ragnor’s shoulder as he clutched his friend’s hand like it was his last lifeline for a minute before it went back to rubbing his throat reflexively. Ragnor gently brought it back down and held it gently.

“You can breathe Mags, I promise. Take a deep breath, okay? In through your nose and out through your mouth, got it? I’ve got you, I’m right here.” For as much of an asshole as Ragnor could be most of the time, Magnus wanted nobody else in a crisis. He was calm to Magnus’s raging panic, and he always kept it real. He didn’t coo at Magnus and act like he was a child the way the nurses had while he’d been stuck in the hospital. 

With Ragnor talking to him it only took a few more minutes for Magnus to pull himself together enough to be in control again. He stood shakily, bracing himself against the bathroom sink, knees shaking but holding him upright. 

“I’m sorry,” Magnus said after he splashed his face with cold water half a dozen times. He looked haggard in his reflection. His hair was limp and tangled with his face blotchy and his eyes red. “It...It was a bad one. It...both of them were there and…” His throat closed over again and he had to swallow several times to make him feel like he could breathe still.

“Don’t even apologize,” Ragnor said quietly, a hand on his back to steady him. “I would never want you to go through that alone. “

“I’m so glad I didn’t wake Alec.” Magnus tried to take a step away from the mirror, but would have easily been on the floor had Ragnor not been there with an arm around waist. 

“Can you focus on taking care of yourself for five minutes?” Ragnor asked around a sigh. “Alec is sleeping, I see him from here. Let’s go downstairs and I’ll find something for us to drink.”

“Okay, sorry,” Magnus apologized compulsively, still swept up in his dream. It was a habit he’d learned very early on being around his father. He’d apologized for breathing when he’d been at home. 

“Quit,” Ragnor reprimanded him lightly for his apologies. They made it downstairs with Ragnor largely supporting them both until Magnus collapsed on his couch. He buried his face in his hands and desperately tried to get himself together again. A light knock came at the front door and Ragnor had to put an arm around Magnus yet again as he jumped badly. 

“I brought tea,” Catarina said as she slipped inside. “They weren’t kidding about the cold front by the way, it’s freezing out there.” She stopped to look at the two of them and her face fell. Magnus broke her gaze and stared at the floor, cheeks heating up. She kissed his forehead gently and hugged him before disappearing into the kitchen.

“You didn’t need to call her this time,” Magnus said lowly. “I feel bad dragging her over here.”

“We’re in this together,” Ragnor told him. “All three of us are together, no matter what. Plus, when I got here I wasn’t sure if you were gonna be okay this time.”

“It was just a nightmare,” Magnus argued. “It shook me up, but only a dream.”

“Except this one is based on what happened less than a year ago,” Ragnor countered. “Magnus, you aren’t supposed to be better yet. Do you realize that? You’re coping amazingly well-”

“Are you kidding Ragnor? I spent six months higher than a kite. I don’t really call that coping.” Magnus swallowed hard and tried not to let his incriminating self-hatred start playing its mantra along with his father’s voice that wouldn’t leave. 

“You’re doing all that you can, and that’s all anyone could ask of you,” Ragnor gave the classic answer and Magnus rolled his eyes. 

“Ragnor, come on. Don’t be that person.”

“Fine, then you probably could have found something better to do besides getting high daily, but then again I probably wouldn’t have picked the healthy option of therapy either.” Ragnor sighed quietly as Magnus stare sullenly at his threadbare carpeting. “Mags, you need to give yourself a break somewhere here.”

“He tried to kill me, Ragnor,” Magnus said hollowly. It was the first time he’d ever said anything out loud about what had happened that awful night. He felt a shudder run through his body as the words filled the empty silence around them. “I was so horrible that he wanted me dead. He really wanted me not to even exist in the same world as him anymore. He could have just ignored me, or he could have thrown me out. Instead he dragged me into the basement and put his hands-” It had been a bad idea to attempt to talk about this. It was the reason he never went to therapy and instead chose to do anything else. 

He was back to running his fingers over his throat gently, reassuring himself that he could breathe just fine and that the nightmare was over. He was alive and his life was fuller than ever. He had his best friends in this world and he had Alexander. He had all that he would ever need. His parents left him, and he had to be okay after the fact. It didn’t matter if his gaze always lingered over the mothers that brought their boys to the salon to get their hair done, watching the way they interacted as his heart felt like it was breaking each and every time. 

“I’m sorry,” Ragnor’s voice was in his ear as his arms came around to hold Magnus against his chest. His eyes were dry, but sobs broke through as remnants of his earlier dream stayed with him. Catarina came in quietly to sit by Magnus’s feet and hold his hand, cups of steaming tea cooling on the coffee table. 

“We love you Magnus,” Cat told him softly as her thumb stroked the back of his hand. Stray tears slipped down his nose to land on Ragnor’s pale skin, prompting Ragnor to hold him tighter and rub his back. “We love you so much. Your father was evil, completely evil. You deserve more than that.”

“Fuck,” Magnus hid his face in Ragnor’s neck for a moment as he distantly heard his original alarm go off. It was time to start his busy and exhausting day of taking Alec to his first day of school before going to the salon to work his ass off. He just wanted to press the pause button on life today. “I need to go get Alec ready. He’s starting his new school today.”

“I can get Alec,” Ragnor told him as he shifted to get up.

“He’s upset and nervous enough about his new school,” Magnus ran both hands over his face and took a gulp of Catarina’s tea. “Plus, I need to get ready for work.”

“You’re going to work?” Catarina repeated in disbelief. She got up to her feet and stared at him. “Magnus, you’ve just spent the last hour at least in a panic attack. You’ve gotten, what, five hours of sleep?”

“I’ve survived on less,” Magnus said as he shrugged one shoulder. “I can’t afford a day off right now. I’ll just go to work and get my mind off of it. I’ve lived with my mom dying for three years now. Staying home won’t change that.”

“Are you really going to be alright?” Ragnor took him gently by the shoulders and looked at him intently. 

“Yeah,” Magnus told him as he squeezed his hand. “If it weren’t for you I’d still be on the bathroom floor. Thank you for coming.”

“Anytime you need me,” Ragnor cracked a smile at last as he stepped aside to let Magnus go upstairs to start his long day. He knew his friends would be talking about him out of concern, but all he could do was carry on and take things day by day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers!!! Yes it's been ten years since I updated this last....and yes that makes me sort of awful but I hope you love me anyways!!! So this chapter we get a peek into Will, Jem, and tiny!Jace :) I love everyone in this universe so I hope you like this too!! Please leave a comment or two so I can get motivated to write on a regular basis and also please watch for my other two projects because I"m seeing updates coming for those soon as well!! Happy reading :)

Even  waking to an alarm for close to twenty years didn’t lessen his rage every morning when that blaring sound went off and the sky was still dark outside.  Will slammed his hand down on the alarm as he groaned unhappily.  He laid there for a moment before a warm hand came across his chest and lips pressed gently to his shoulder.  

 

“Your son is awake,” Jem murmured against his shoulder. Will snorted softly and ran a hand through Jem’s hair gently.  Distantly they could both hear Jace chattering away in his room, indeed wide awake even at this early hour.

 

“He never sleeps, and this still surprises you.”  Will commented as he stretched his arms above his head and reminded himself that he had a family to support and therefore his job was worth getting up for. 

 

“You didn’t say it,” Jem said with a fake pout, hitting his chest and rolling to the other side of the bed. 

 

“Jem,” Will started to laugh as he tried to catch his husband’s hand.  “Jem, that joke is old.”

 

“You liked it when we first adopted him,” Jem gave him a look before disappearing into the ensuite bathroom.  Will grinned to himself, making himself roll out of bed and stretch out his stiff and sore muscles.   His back popped loudly and it felt marginally better as he blearily walked into the bathroom after James.  

 

“Fine James,” Will said with a dramatic sigh that wasn’t exactly fitting for this situation.  “Before sunrise he’s your son.”

 

“He used to love the Lion King,” Jem said wistfully, turning on the shower and stripping off his clothes.  Will had to bite his lip to contain a grin seeing Jem displayed before him.  They didn’t have time now, they really didn’t.  They only had an hour before Jem had to be at the music shop and they had to take Jace to school.  “Where did those days go?  He was so amendable and eager to learn.  Now you got him into batman of all things and we have to fight to get him to do his basic homework.” Jem sighed as he tugged a towel down from the shelf.  “I miss when he didn’t have an opinion.”

 

“I think we all do,”  Will stood there for a moment until Jem rested a hand on the shower door.  “So, you don’t want me to…” He trailed off and gestured a hand towards the shower. 

 

“Morning sex doesn’t work when we have a nine year old,” Jem said firmly.  “Every single time I give in I’m late and the whole day is behind.  Get dressed and get Jace ready for the day.  Do we still have eggs?”

 

WIll winced as he now remembered what it was he was supposed to do yesterday.  “There will be this afternoon.”

 

“I ask you for one thing,” Jem teased, kissing him lightly before disappearing into the shower.  Will sighed mournfully before turning to quickly get dressed and get their son ready for school.  

 

“Can a batcave be green?” Was the first thing Jace asked him as he opened his son’s bedroom door.  His blonde hair was a mess and his eyes were bright as ever as he sat building with his legos.   Will felt his heart stutter at the sight.  He really should be used to these parental feelings, but maybe it was because Jace was adopted and kind of a miracle.  Will had always wanted kids, at least some part of him had.  He’d just believed that kids were so unlikely, or at least until his sister had called him sobbing one late September night.  She’d been sixteen when she’d found out she was pregnant.  He had already moved on with his life from their estate in the outskirts of Manhattan.  He had gotten away from his family and was enjoying medical school more than he’d ever planned.  Then his sister had shown up crying and panicking.  

 

Those nine months had been so stressful.  His sister had nearly gone crazy with anxiety and depression, despite them having a plan.  Their parents had refused to even speak to Cecily or talk about the baby.  She had wanted an abortion on so many levels, but Will knew on a different level it would have killed her.  He had never pressured her to keep the baby, but every time she didn’t drive to the clinic he’d been relieved.  He’d had just moved in with James then, and things were so new with them.  Jem was so bright and so happy.  The only change he’d made to Will’s town house had been to bring in a piano.  He played it all the time he had to spare.  Jem brought a light to Will’s life he’d never known was missing.  The day they’d brought Jace home Jem had set up a bassinet next to the piano and played the baby to sleep.  Will had sat on the sofa and watched his new family, hardly believing this was really his life.  

 

Now it was nine years later and he’d been with James Carstairs for a decade.  Things never got old, or boring, or settled into a routine.  He still delighted in Jem’s laugh mixed with Jace’s.  He still reached for Jem’s hand in the car, or when they walked together.  They could still talk about anything and everything together.  It was a dream, and Will hoped desperately he’d never have to wake up.

 

“I think batman might prefer black,” WIll told his son as he went to Jace’s dresser and started pulling out clothes.  “I suppose he might not mind green now and then.”

 

“Black is so boring,” Jace complained.  “And I don’t have enough black legos.”

 

“Maybe if you’re good at school for an entire week we can get some more black sets,” Will said to him with a meaningful look.  Jace was not known to be well-behaved.  He talked too much and too loudly.  He wasn’t the best at sharing.  He played rough on the playground when he got into a sport.  He had the only child syndrome of being selfish at times and very demanding.  In short, the notes home had a pile of their own in one of the desk drawers downstairs.  

 

“I need yellow too,” Jace said matter-of-factly as though behaving at school for five whole days had ever been done before.  Will sighed and wondered if he’d ever get through to the little boy about any of this.  

 

“Can you wear a red shirt today?” Will asked, remembering the other thing he was supposed to have gotten done last night.  “There aren’t any more clean batman shirts.”

 

“No,” Jace whined dramatically as he glared at his father.  “I want a batman shirt.”

 

“We can’t buy you a wardrobe of only batman,” WIll tried to reason with him.  “I’ll have a clean one for tomorrow.  It’s red or blue today my friend.”

 

“Red,” Jace said sullenly as he pouted with folded arms.

 

“Okay, get yourself dressed and I’ll start breakfast,” Will told him as he laid the clothes out on the bed and then headed downstairs.  Jace’s batman obsession would pass eventually, and when it did they were kind of screwed.  He would probably have no clothes to wear when he decided batman wasn’t so cool anymore.  He decided they had time for frozen waffles today since eggs weren’t an option.  Jace hated cold cereal, if only to make their lives harder.  WIll had tried every brand out there, but Jace didn’t want to cooperate.  It made breakfast time take longer, but he supposed they could live with that.  

 

“I woke up still drunk on your love,” Will sang as he saw Jem had beat him downstairs and had read his mind concerning the frozen waffles.  Jem had a huge grin on his face as he started to sing.  “Now I know why,  I’m feeling so high.  Cause I’m still drunk, on your love.”

 

“That’s still the only country song you know to this day,” Jem said laughing and kissing Will fondly.  “I  can’t picture the two of us in a country bar.”

 

“I was going for a classy bar and I failed,” Will admitted as he started washing and cutting strawberries.   “We attempted swing dancing.”

 

“I just liked that black hat on you,” Jem said smirking.  “That’s the only reason you got a third date.”

 

“Lies, all lies,” Will insisted as their son came into the room at last.  

 

“Good morning Jace,” Jem said turning and the plate fell numbly from his hand.  Will turned quickly to see what the matter was.  He had to choke down his laughter at what Jace had done, though the shirt was ruined now.  He’d drawn a bat symbol on his shirt as well as he could, which was very poorly.  Art didn’t run in the Carstairs or the Herondale lines unfortunately.  Will only knew it was a bat symbol because it was the only thing Jace ever liked to draw.  Not to mention he’d drawn it in permanent marker of course. His relatively new red shirt was now covered in a huge black blob that Jace was proud of if his grin was anything to go by.  

“At least we know he’s good at creative thinking,” Will quipped, scooping up the plate and getting a cloth for the mess.

 

“You didn’t do the laundry either?” James was highly annoyed, but he had to keep his tone light for their son’s sake.  “Jace, why would you draw on your new shirt?”

 

“It had to have a bat symbol on it,” Jace told him like it was the most obvious thing.  “Dad didn’t wash my batman shirt so I made a new one.”

 

“We should just give up and buy him a wardrobe of batman,” Jem said with a sigh as he got the waffles out from the toaster and started to cut them.

 

“We’d only end up buying him another wardrobe in a few months when he gets out of batman obsession.”  Will told him with a shrug.  “Iron man comes out next month, so that could be his new obsession.  I know you’ll even come with us because of dear Robert Downey Jr.”

 

“I tell you I think he’s attractive once,” Jem rolled his eyes and set a plate in front of their son.  “Jace, hurry and eat baby.  We have to get going.”  He turned to Will and folded his arms.  “As for you, I had better have an empty laundry room before we go to bed tonight.  Not to mention eggs in my fridge.  You got that?”

 

“I love when you get bossy,” Will teased him with a kiss before joining their son at the table.  When Jace was intent on deciding if he wanted to eat the strawberries Will gestured to his disaster of a shirt with his fork.  He mouthed, “Are we letting him wear this?”

 

“What else do we do?” Jem said in reply as he sat on Jace’s other side.  Will nudged him with his socked toes gently, causing yet another small smile.  Yes, life was a dream for Will Herondale most of the time and he knew he was the luckiest man alive. 

 

They reached the school nearly an hour later to the usual chaos of kids everywhere and a few parents milling around.  Will rolled his eyes as Jace didn’t spare them a glance before racing off to the playground with some other boys.  He loved that he could still walk with the love of his life to drop their son off at the elementary school half a dozen blocks away from their home.  He knew that one day soon Jace wouldn’t want them to walk him to school any more and he’d want to take the bus or walk to school with his friends.  

 

“I think Jace might have a new classmate,” Jem observed, looking to the left.  Will followed his gaze and saw a young man with spiky black hair crouching by a nervous looking boy that did seem to be close to Jace in age.  

 

“Kid looks terrified,” Will observed, the wide blue eyes he could see from here tugging at his heartstrings.  

 

“Maybe he’s a newly single dad,” Jem said thoughtfully.  Will grinned to himself.  This was kind of something they did, speculate about people.  It wasn’t judging, most of the time.  He figured it was part of being married for a decade.  

 

“I guess that would explain why he’s alone, and why they’re starting late in the year,” Will shrugged and scrubbed a hand over his hair.  He eyed the playground for his son, relieved to see Jace behaving on the swings for now.  

 

Jem started to walk toward this new dad they’ve spotted.  WIll groaned and tugged futilely on his husband’s hand.  

 

“No, Jem, I don’t wanna make new friends,” Will complained quietly.

 

“It’ll be good for you,” Jem chided him like a child.  “We need friends besides one another.”

 

“Who says?” Will challenged.  “I’ve gotten by just fine so far.”

 

“Fine, maybe he needs a few friends right now,” Jem changed tactics as they approached.  The closer they got the picture didn’t really compute the way they’d thought it would.  This man was too young to have a nine year old, way too young.  He must just be an older brother instead of a father after all.  That didn’t explain the mystery of starting a school in November then.  

 

“Hi,” Jem was the one to greet them, ever the more friendly between the two of them.  “We can’t help notice that you two are new.  We are those parents here every morning.”

 

“Those soccer moms aren’t about to come over let me tell you,” Will quipped in while rolling his eyes  “We aren’t part of their group, and I wish I could say that was by choice.  They won’t come near us.  They haven’t progressed to accept gay parents just yet.”

 

“I’m Magnus,” The young man seemed a tad nervous and the bags under his eyes said he was exhausted.  Actually, the closer Will looked at him this kid looked like a complete wreck, and he didn’t mean the kid hiding half behind him.  “This is Alec, it’s, um, this is his first day yeah.  He’s in third grade.”

 

“Jace is as well,” Jem smiled at them warmly.  Will’s thoughts became distracted at that smile, remembering the first time it was ever sent his way.  It’d been while Jem was wearing some tacky blue hospital gown after his appendicitis had been fixed.  Will had been an intern back then in his surgical residency program.  He’s been twenty-four years old and fresh out of medical school.  While the surgeon had been prattling on Jem had caught his eye and given him the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen.  He was still half out of it due to the anesthesia, but it was no less beautiful.  He’d been lost after that smile.  Now here he was at thirty-six and no less captivated by that same beautiful smile.  

 

“So, I, um, bought Alec one of everything on the list the school sent,” Magnus started haltingly.  Jem was patiently keeping his mouth shut, but Will knew already where this was going because they’d done the same two years ago when Jace had started.  Will couldn’t help but start to laugh since he knew exactly where this Magnus was heading with this.  Jem sent him a glare since he probably came off extremely rude without meaning to.

 

“Those lists are so ridiculous,” Will got out as his laughter subsided.  “They are a mile long and the kids never use half the shit they tell you to get.  It’s ridiculous.”

 

“Oh God, and I spent all that money,” Magnus said miserably.  “I wondered why a third grader would possibly need all of that”

 

“It’s not useless stuff,” Jem said.  “You’ll use it all at some point or another.  Alec might not, but you might.”

 

“We did the same thing two years ago,” WIll told Magnus to make him feel less stupid.  “I’m pretty sure all parents do at least once, and some more than once.”  He eyed Magnus, waiting for the protest that he wasn’t a parent after all.  He was pretty sure there was no way this was Alec’s parental figure.  He wasn’t saying Magnus would be a bad one, he was just so young.  

 

“At least I don’t make all the mistakes alone,” Magnus shrugged and looked down at the boy clutching to him like a lifeline.  He knelt down to speak to him quietly as the bell echoed across the playground and parking lot.  Will turned towards the playground and expected to see a blonde blur coming towards them like any other morning, but instead Jace was walking towards them looking quite sullen.  He had his head bowed and was scuffing his shoes every few steps.

 

“It was the shirt,” Jem said with a sad look on his face.  “One of the kids must have said something about it.”

 

“Stupid kids,” Will muttered, his heart aching seeing Jace’s confidence dented when he was so young.  He knew Jace had been proud of his shirt and for making it all his own.  He couldn’t just stand here and watch their son make his parade over to them alone.  He met Jace halfway across and didn’t hesitate to sweep him in his arms.  The way Jace didn’t make a sound of protest told Will he was upset.  Jace had never been a boy prone to tears, and this was no exception.  Will had often wished that he would use tears instead of this sad silence.  Tears passed rather quickly, but this mood could last the entire day.  Jace might not be outwardly emotional, but he did stay in a funk for a bit when he got upset.  Will rubbed his back a few times, not needing to say anything to show he understood.  

 

“Jace,” Jem said softly as Will set him down.  Jace wouldn’t even look at him, and Will knew that even as young as Jace was he knew that if he looked at his father he’d burst into tears.  Jem had that effect when you were already upset.  

 

“Alec, you have to go in there,” The young man had finally spoken loud enough to be heard by the rest of them.  Alec had gotten progressively worse after the bell had sounded, as the boy realized he really did have to go in there.  He was clinging to Magnus tightly and was quietly begging to not have to go yet.  Magnus looked at the end of his limits and Will couldn’t blame him.  Alec was on the verge of a tantrum, and Will had been through more than enough of those.  Jace had mostly grown out of them by now, but every now and again he’d throw a monstrous one.  

 

“Hey Alec,” Jem had knelt down to Alec’s level and the boy froze  as he realized someone was talking to him.  He stopped the whining and the tugging and hid behind Magnus again.  He was adorable, but clearly a bit socially underdeveloped.  Will still held Jace close to him, but this whole morning was quite unusual.  “This over here is my son Jace.  He’s your age and he’s probably in your class as well.  I bet he would be okay walking with you.”

 

“Do you like batman?” Jace asked immediately, seeing that his father was clearly trying to make friends for him.  WIll wanted so badly to facepalm, but resisted by sheer self-discipline.  

 

“I guess,” Alec said quietly, barely able to be heard as he still mostly spoke to Magnus’s waist.  Magnus was stroking his hair and it seemed to be the only way this kid wasn’t bursting into tears.  

 

“You could teach him all about Batman,” WIll murmured to Jace quietly so nobody else could hear him.  Jace didn’t seem so willing to make friends with anyone that didn’t adore Batman the way he did.  “Nobody knows more about Batman than you do.  You could introduce him to all the movies and show him your comics and lego sets.”

 

“Yeah!” Jace seemed to light up as Will pointed out all the possibilities and benefits of someone who ddin’t really know about Batman.  He squirmed to be let down so Will set him free to run over to Alec and tug on his arm.  “I could teach you all about him!  He’s the best superhero ever!  I’ll even give you a pencil!  My dad bought me a ton!”

 

“I wanna learn about a superhero,” Alec agreed as he slowly loosened his grip on Magnus’s shirt to look at his new friend more closely and with a bit more enthusiasm.  The bell rang over the yard again and that meant the kids were late to class already.  

 

“Oops,” Jace said, though he didn’t look all that sorry.  “Come on Alec, we have to go inside now.  Mrs. Fredrick hates when we’re late to class.”

 

“O-okay,” Alec stuttered, seemingly torn between running inside and clinging to Magnus for safety.

 

“Alec, sweet pea, you’ll be fine.” Mangus promised him with a kiss to his forehead.   “I’m going to be back when school is over and you can tell me all about your day.”

 

“Bye,” Alec said a bit tearfully, though no real tears were falling yet.

 

“Bye sweetheart, I’ll see you a bit later.” Magnus gave him a wave and Will recognized the struggle of leaving your kid for the first time.  He could remember so well the knot in his stomach when they had dropped Jace off for the first time with him looking scared and lost.  He felt sympathy for this young father, torn between doing the right thing and the hard thing that would let your kid grow.  

 

The two boys disappeared into the school and Magnus let out a long, low sigh.  Will clapped him on the shoulder which made Magnus look at him with red rimmed eyes that spoke of nothing but exhaustion and pain.  He wondered what brought that into such young eyes and how he had come to be with Alec, a boy that held as much pain as he did.  

 

“He’ll be fine,” Jem said gently with a touch to his hand.  “I know you hate when they look at you with those eyes, but he’ll be okay.  Jace is a bit….zealous, but he’s a good kid and he’ll take care of Alec.”

 

“Thank you, both of you,” Magnus said sincerely as he looked between them.  “I don’t think I could have let him go in there all on his own.  Actually, he never would have gone and I’d have a whole different set of problems on my hands.  Your boy is a lifesaver for me.”

 

“You don’t know him yet,” Will joked, with Jem hitting his arm almost immediately afterward.  He laughed and hugged Jem to him with a kiss to his cheek.  “Don’t be a stranger Magnus, alright?  The boys seemed to hit it off well.”

 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Magnus told them with a wave.  “I have to get to work, even if I am already twenty minutes late.”  He sighed yet again and WIll felt awful he already had the world on his shoulder.  “See you two around.”  He waved as he disappeared into his car and sped off.  

 

“See?  Making friend isn’t about you sometimes,”  Jem told him wisely.  “Magnus obviously is a new parent.  He must be fostering Alec and it’s obvious Alec didn’t come without baggage.”

 

“Fostering would be hard,” Will agreed as he could only imagine the things Alec might have gone through in his short life.  It wasn’t exactly a secret that the foster care system needed serious reformation.  “Okay I concede that sometimes making friends isn’t for me”

 

“When will you just realize I am always right?” Jem said cheekily before laughing as Will pinched his side and shoved him gently.  It only took moments for them to gravitate toward one another again as their hands reached for the other’s on instinct.

Yes, Will Herondale had a charmed life indeed.


End file.
